


Matter

by AtmosphericFantasy



Category: Cobra Kai (Web Series), Karate Kid (Movies)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Depression, Gender-Neutral Pronouns, Near Death Experiences, Other
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-06
Updated: 2020-11-23
Packaged: 2021-03-07 17:42:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 23,013
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26861587
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AtmosphericFantasy/pseuds/AtmosphericFantasy
Summary: The first few weeks after you broke up with Johnny, you were a complete mess. Even though you had made the right decision it didn't make it any easier. The days were a vague blur, where you muddled through your daily routine without really experiencing it.
Relationships: Johnny Lawrence/Reader
Comments: 30
Kudos: 56





	1. Choice

The first few weeks after you broke up with Johnny, you were a complete mess. Even though you had made the right decision it didn't make it any easier. The days were a vague blur, where you muddled through your daily routine without really experiencing it. 

You couldn't stop thinking about that night, it was the anniversary of his mother's death. You'd found him unconscious and sprawled out on the floor by the sofa. A strange sound was coming from him as his body convulsed slightly. When you crouched down beside him, you'd realised that he was choking on his own vomit. Immediately you turned him onto his side and lifted up his chin to open his airway. He started to cough only a couple of seconds later as the vomit spewed out of his mouth. 

He noisily wheezed in air, but he still didn't come to as you called out his name over and over. After accepting that he wasn't going wake up anytime soon, you wiped his face clean and laid down beside him. You tried not to shake in fear as you placed a hand on his chest to make sure he was still breathing. He'd almost died right in front of you.

You didn't sleep. You were wide awake the whole night watching over him. It wasn't until the morning when he finally woke up. His first instinct was to grab a bottle of beer on the table and down its remaining contents. When you told him what happened, he didn't even bother to apologise before downplaying the whole thing. You should have been angry, you should have told him to try to get sober, to go to therapy, to go to AA, but you'd said that all before. Every time you'd try to suggest him getting help, he'd shoot you down, saying that he didn't need any of that pussy shit and he didn't have a problem in the first place. 

You just couldn't do this anymore. 

After he stalked off to work, you packed up your stuff from his apartment and left. He called later that evening, asking where the fuck you were, demanding to know why your clothes were missing from the closet. You told him to meet you at a diner, it wasn't a conversation to have over the phone. You were waiting in the parking lot when he turned up. Rather than going inside, you got into the passenger seat of his Firebird. 

Johnny didn't say hello, he didn't say anything for a while. He must have realised what was happening. Fuck, you really didn't want to do this. You'd been contemplating it for months, always managing to convince yourself to give him another chance, to respect that his addiction was a very complex and difficult thing. 

Every day you'd worry about him, fearing that he might have gotten into a fight with someone again, panicking that he'd blackout at the wheel of his Firebird after coming home from a bar. He wasn't just putting himself at risk, but everyone he came across. You had numerous arguments with him about the drunk driving. He'd say that he hadn't had too many and he was perfectly fine to drive. He would then apologise and say he wouldn't do it anymore, and then a week later he'd do it all over again. 

You knew he was a good man. That was the problem. It was buried underneath decades of shame and guilt and regret and hurt. You were not equipped to deal with it. You'd tried, you had tried so fucking hard. It had become such a burden that your own problems didn't matter, what you felt was always inconsequential. 

But now what you said was going to matter. 

“Look about last night,” Johnny mumbled, his fingers tapping on the steering wheel. “Things might have gotten a little out of hand. . .”

“You almost died, Johnny,” you told him numbly. He looked at you then, his eyes searing into you and making your heart ache profusely. The tears welled up in your eyes. “You almost fucking died.” 

Guilt bled across his expression before he looked away. The reprieve from his gaze gave you the chance to suck in an unsteady breath. You were still for a few moments before you pulled the key to his apartment from your pocket and held it out to him. 

“I can't be with you anymore.”

“What, so that's it? You're just gonna leave because of one fuck up?” He asked angrily, his arm resting on the wheel as he turned to face you. You scoffed out a curt laugh, he was unbelievable. “You think this is funny?” 

“You know that's not true,” you replied calmly, not wanting to get into an argument with him. He didn't reply. You let your arm fall into your lap, not bothering to keep holding the key out for him. Rather than wait for him to take it, you opened up the dash to put it inside. Before you could put it on top of some receipts, he snatched hold of your wrist.

“That key's not on loan, I gave it to you,” he snarled, he was deeply offended by the gesture. It was an insult to reject his gift, but you knew he didn't mean just that. You were rejecting him. Staring down at his hand, you waited until he loosened his grip and let your wrist go. 

“When I told you that you're always welcome, I meant it,” he spat at you. In his eyes, what you had said to him didn't matter, when you had told him you loved him you didn't really mean it. You were nothing but a worthless liar.

“I'll always care about you,” you replied, hoping that he would understand you were telling the truth.

“Bullshit. You're just like the rest of them.” 

“Johnny-”

“I thought you were different, but you're gonna leave like everyone else.”

“You don't understand-” 

“No I get it. You know what? Keep the key, throw it in the trash, I don't care. Just get out of my car.” 

“Please I-” 

“Get out!” He shouted, your body jolting at the sound of his rage. You barely managed to swallow down a sob as you scrambled to leave the car. He started up the engine as you closed the door and he gunned it out of the lot. 

You watched him drive off, not quite believing what had happened. But he was gone, just like you wanted. 

\- - -

It was almost a month since you'd last seen him. You got a call from Sid, that mean old bastard, as he explained how he graciously bailed out his step-son for the last time and that Johnny was no longer his responsibility. He managed to throw in a couple more insults as he told you to deal with Johnny from now on, suggesting to try payday loans or hustling the next time you had to pay for his bail. You hung up right after that, infuriated that Johnny had to grow up with someone like him. 

Though your first instinct was to go straight to his apartment, you gave him a call instead, not wanting to cross any boundaries. 

“Hello?” Johnny answered, he obviously hadn't checked to see who was calling him. 

“Hey, Johnny.” The other end of the line was silent for a beat too long, you hurried to say something else before he could hang up. “I wanted to make sure you're okay. Sid gave me a call, he said that he bailed you out of jail.”

He huffed and hummed in displeasure. “Of course he did.”

“A-Are you?” 

“What?” 

“Okay?” 

“I'm fine.” 

“I was worried, I-”

“Yeah well, you don't need to do that anymore, do you?” Before you could say anything else, he hung up. The pain in your heart was the same as when he had driven away from the diner. Why wasn't it easing, even a little?

You missed him so much. 

\- - -

The new apartment you were living in was worse than Johnny's. You had to work extra shifts and overtime to pay the rent, and you were still struggling. It hadn't been as bad when you'd lived with him, he'd split the bills with you.

You were on a lunch break, thinking about going to the grocery store to buy some dish detergent. There weren't any clean dishes left, you'd gone through everything. You'd already used a mug as a substitute for a bowl several times. Your phone started ringing, distracting you from the thought. Seeing that it was Johnny calling made your chest twinge in discomfort. 

“Hello?” You answered hesitantly. 

“You left some of your stuff here,” he said bluntly without preamble. You were so shocked that he had called that you didn't manage to spit out a reply. 

“Are you gonna come pick it up?” He prompted. 

“Uh yeah, of course. What um. . .when do you want me to come over?”

“Anytime past eight.” 

“Okay.”

“I've gotta go.” He didn't you a chance to say goodbye, or to ask whether he meant tonight. That must have been what he was saying, right? The rest of the day you were a wreck of nerves, unsure of how badly the next meeting with Johnny was going to go. Hadn't you taken everything from the apartment? What if he thought you had purposefully left it to give yourself an excuse to see him again? 

Ten minutes past eight o'clock, you were walking up to his apartment, worrying that you might be too early. Should you have come at half eight or nine? You tried to steady yourself before knocking. When he opened up the door, you were surprised to see that he was clean-shaven. He looked good. . .healthy. The last time he'd shaved was when he saw Robby a while ago. The two of them had gotten into an argument. Johnny didn't take it well. After picking a fight with you, he went on a two day bender. 

From the way he was looking you over, it was like he wasn't expecting you at all. Did he not mean tonight? Before you could tell him you'd come back another time, he opened up the door fully, gesturing for you to come inside by tilting his head. 

After he closed the door behind you, he walked over to the kitchen. You didn't know what to do with yourself. The place felt so familiar, but at the same time there was now an underlying hostility to it. Sitting down would be too presumptuous, you didn't want to upset him. He opened up the refrigerator, you wondered how much stuff he had in there but you couldn't quite see from this angle. Johnny had a tendency to be forgetful about the groceries, but not the beer though. He never forgot the beer. 

“You want something to drink?” He asked, you weren't sure if he was actually offering alcohol.

“No, thanks.” 

“I've got orange juice,” he clarified.

“I'm okay.” 

“Are you?” 

“Yeah.” He shut the refrigerator and walked up to you, his finger pointing at your face. 

“Those bags under your eyes say different.” 

“I've worked a couple long shifts, that's all.”

“Sure,” he replied, with a hint of irritation to his tone. He always could see right through you. Rather than bothering to ask you for the truth, he picked up a box and put it on the coffee table. “Your stuff's in here.”

He migrated back to the kitchen, giving you a chance to take a look at what was inside. There were some toiletries, a toothbrush, a couple CDs, a tupperware box and an old Metallica shirt. 

“This shirt is yours,” you told him, folding it up and placing it onto the table. 

“The amount of times you've worn it. . .pretty sure it's yours.” There was a weak smile on his face. He was trying to break through the tension, ease up the conversation. You almost breathed out a sigh of relief, appreciative that he was trying to make this easier. 

“It's really comfortable. Couldn't ever fault your taste in classic band shirts,” you responded in kind in an attempt to keep things jovial.

“Just everything else, huh?” He retorted, his eyes flicking away, his mouth twitching like he hadn't meant to say that. Awkwardly, you shuffled the items around the box, wondering how to recover the conversation without it degrading into something unpleasant. A knock on the front door pulled you from the thought. He had a grimace on his face as he went to see who it was. There was a kid the other side of the door. 

“Sensei! I forgot to ask earlier, are there some exercises I should be doing in the morning? I was reading this article about metabolism and-” 

“Now's really not a good time,” Johnny told him, trying to gently dismiss him. The kid then spotted you, his eyebrows raising in surprise. You gave him a half-hearted wave, wondering why he was calling Johnny Sensei. 

“Oh, is that your friend?”

“What part of not a good time don't you get?” 

“Sorry I uhh. . .guess I'll come back tomorrow?” 

“Mmmhmm,” Johnny hummed. He answered the kid's question as he began to close the door. “Fifty crunches, forty lunges, thirty push ups.” 

“Is that forty lunges per leg or-” The door was shut before the kid could finish. Johnny turned around, shifting his weight uncomfortably like you'd seen something you weren't meant to. You wanted to ask what the whole Sensei thing was about, why some kid was asking him about what exercises he should be doing in the morning. 

“He seems like a good kid.” 

“Yeah, when he's not being annoying.” There was no insult to his words, you could tell that Johnny liked him.

“What's his name?” 

“Miguel. He lives in the apartment opposite.” 

“Oh right,” you replied, unsure why he was making friends with the neighbours. He hadn't ever done that before. You turned your attention back to the contents of the box, fingers running along the edge of a CD case. It felt so strange being removed from Johnny's life, being unwelcome to the facets of his life. You had asked the most polite and unobtrusive questions you could think of, but you couldn't come up with anything else. 

“I opened up a dojo,” he told you, his hands hanging awkwardly by his side. 

“A dojo? You're doing karate again?”

“Yeah.” 

“I thought you hadn't done karate since you were in high school?” 

“I haven't. Not until now.” 

“Oh,” you muttered, mind replaying everything he had told you about Kreese. Sometimes he had nightmares about his old Sensei, he'd wake up shaking, struggling to breathe. One time he accidentally elbowed you in the face because you were too close. You had an arm around him, you had been pressed up against his back, spooning him. That was the last time you'd slept like that. 

“But after everything that happened with Cobra Kai, I thought. . .” you trailed off. 

“It's going to be different. It's not going to be like how it was before.” With Kreese, you finished wordlessly, understanding what he meant. Was it really a good idea for him to be doing karate again? You remembered the fights he'd gotten into, he was proficient enough as it was. It would give him direction though, something to focus on, something to work towards. He needed that. 

But where did he get the money to open his own dojo? It must have expensive. Was it Sid? Was it part of his final pay off to get rid of Johnny for good? 

“Miguel's your student then?”

“Yeah, he's my first one.” 

“That's great, Johnny,” you told him honestly, knowing that this could get him back on track. “I'm happy for you.” He stared for a few moments, there was something off about his expression. Did he not believe you? He nodded non-committally in response.

You pointlessly shuffled around a few things in the box to give yourself something to do. The silence hung heavy in the air. You didn't want to leave, but you didn't feel welcome anymore. 

“Was there anything else?” You asked, after you refolded the Metallica shirt and carefully tucked it away into the box. There wasn't anything more you could do to prolong your time with him. 

“No, it's all in there.” Picking up the box, you slowly approached Johnny as he stood by the door. 

“Thanks for calling me.” You pressed your lips together in a polite smile. “I hope everything goes well at the dojo.” 

“Me too.” Johnny didn't move to open up the door, you wondered if he was expecting you to go around him. You took another step forward, shifting your grip on the box. Another few seconds passed until he finally opened the door. He brushed his hand along your arm as you moved past him. The sensation of his touch was a harsh reminder of how much you missed the intimacy you once shared with him. You were nothing but acquaintances now. 

“Maybe take it easy with work, hmm?” He suggested gently. You must have looked worse than you realised. You nodded your head, you couldn't tell him that you would take it easy, that wasn't a choice you had. 

As you walked off, you were perturbed by the thought that that was the last time you'd ever be in his apartment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed it, more suffering awaits hehe. . .
> 
> I've started a new tumblr - atmostories - where I'll be posting fics as well as headcanons and drabbles. Feel free to pop me an ask anytime, gotta share the Johnny love! I'm also happy to take requests too and I'll whip something up for ya. Thanks for reading!


	2. Want

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys are so sweet! Thanks for the comments and the kudos, they really encourage me to keep writing. Hope you enjoy this next installment.

Seeing Johnny had lifted your spirits for a long while. He looked better, he had opened up his own dojo, he had kids who relied on him as their Sensei. But as time passed, you only seemed to miss him more. 

Johnny had always been tactile, he'd constantly have his arm around you, he'd knock his shoulder into yours as he teased you, he'd tackle you onto the sofa before pinning you down and tickling you. When you watched movies together, he'd sling his legs over your lap and grin smugly as he hogged the popcorn. It was a habit you had never truly appreciated. The loss of his touch made your body feel unsettled. It felt unnatural. The regret of breaking up with him grew in strength each day. Johnny had probably moved on by now anyway, what you had with him was over. 

As you walked up to the grocery store, a yellow flyer on a utility pole caught your eye. Slowing down to take a look, a smile spread across your face when you recognised Johnny's face on it. 

Learn to fight! Join Cobra Kai. 

Had he been putting up these flyers around town? There was an address on it too. You pulled out your phone and took a picture, unable to help yourself. Maybe you could drive past one day, just for a quick look. 

You ended up outside the dojo the next day. You were impressed by its sign and the logos on the windows. It might have been in a strip mall but he'd made the best of it. Getting out of your car, you walked up to the doors and cupped a hand around your eye to try and see anything through the blinds. 

The sound of Johnny's Firebird pulling up made blood rush to your ears. Oh fuck, he'd caught you red-handed. Your eyes clenched shut at the thought of him seeing you like this, coming here unannounced and trying to pry into his business. When he turned off the engine, you turned around and forced a smile on your face. What were going to say? You were passing by? You needed something from the mini-mall? He lifted a bag onto his shoulder when he got out of the car. 

“What are you doing here?” He asked before taking off a pair of sunglasses. 

“I uh. . .” you trailed off as he approached and pulled out a set of keys from his jean pocket. You swallowed nervously, you couldn't lie to him, you weren't sure how he was going to react when he was told the truth. “I saw one of your flyers.” 

He stopped in front of you, eyebrows raising like he was waiting for the rest of your explanation. 

“I was. . .I was just curious. I don't mean to intrude.” He eyed you up and down carefully before he unlocked the door and held it open. 

“You wanna come take a look?” You agreed and tried to temper the smile on your face. After going inside, your mouth parted open as you took in the dojo, the mats on the floor, the logos and the motto painted on the wall, the full length mirrors, and the fitness equipment. Johnny's trophies stood proudly on a shelf rather than gathering dust in the back of his closet.

It really was something. The dojo looked better than you'd imagined. You were taken back when Johnny's hand reached out to your face. His finger gently lifted your chin to close your mouth. He slowly pulled away, his slight touch almost making you shiver. He looked away like he had forgotten himself.

“I'm pretty sure there's a fly hanging around in here somewhere,” he mumbled as he went to close the door. His eyes avoided yours as he took you further into the dojo, pointing out shelves where the students would put their things and the corner where he was planning to put a couple more punching bags. 

“There's an office here too.” It had a window to the main dojo, a desk, two chairs, some filing cabinets, a refrigerator and a whiteboard with a list of current students. Johnny starting to gather up the paperwork which was strewn all over the desk. “I've got a lot of forms to go through.” 

“Do you need help?” The question came out before you could stop yourself. What were you thinking offering to help him? This was his place, you'd already come here uninvited and now you wanted to involve yourself in his work? He looked at you then, his expression blank and unreadable. You were such a fucking idiot.

“I mean. . .maybe Miguel wouldn't mind helping,” you explained, hoping that you had covered yourself enough. 

“The kid's busy training.” 

“Oh. . .yeah.” You bit the inside of your cheek, why didn't you come up with something better? Looking around the office gave you the chance to avoid Johnny's gaze. You didn't remember the last time you'd ever felt embarrassed in front of him, but now you felt it acutely. “How's Miguel doing?”

“Good, he's learning fast. He'll be here soon. I've got a class in half an hour but he always comes early.” He had given you an out to take, he needed to get ready for his class, it was time to go. You'd already intruded enough. 

“I'll leave you to it then,” you replied, waiting for him to lead you to the door, but he didn't move.

“Did you. . .really want to help?” He asked carefully, there was something vulnerable in his expression. Your eyebrows furrowed, did he think you were lying to him? That you'd offer your help and not mean it at all? The hurt sunk down to your gut. You wanted to retort back, question how he could think you were lying about that. But Johnny wasn't trying to antagonise you, it was like he wasn't sure whether asking for your help would be crossing a line. 

“I can try to sort some of this out,” you offered nonchalantly. 

“The only downside to a lot of students is a lot of paperwork,” he commented as he moved to the desk and started to pick up some of the pieces of paper. “Are you free right now? I can take you through it?”

“Yeah, I'm not working today.” 

“Good,” he put his hand on the back of the chair by the wall. “It's all yours.” 

You sat down and Johnny perched on the edge of the desk as he began to explain all the various admin that needed to be done. There were insurance forms to fill out, student contact details and parental consent waivers to review, and class fees that needed to be processed. When you asked about his filing system, he stared at you blankly. You couldn't help the small smile on your face and offered to help him sort out the paperwork he'd already done. 

“That'd be great, but it would take too long to finish today,” he replied, not presuming that you would come back and help him out again. Knowing how carefully he was treading made you feel both grateful and awkward at the same time.

“I can come back another time. If you want.”

“Yeah?” 

“Sure.” 

“I'd appreciate that,” he murmured, his voice lowering slightly. He laid down a handful of forms before shifting closer to you so that he was sitting right on the edge of the desk. He opened his mouth to say something else but a knock on the door interrupted him. 

“Sensei?” Miguel asked, he was dressed in a white gi. 

“Mr. Diaz,” Johnny said as he took to his feet. You didn't miss the note of disappointment in his voice, you hoped that Miguel did. 

“Can I talk to you for a second?” Miguel asked, his eyes flicking between you, the empty chair on the other side of the desk, and then back to his Sensei. Johnny had been sitting on the desk right by you the whole time, he hadn't bothered to sit in the other chair. “About class?” Miguel clarified. 

“Alright,” Johnny agreed, he turned back and said that he wouldn't be long. Miguel seemed to give you a meaningful stare before he walked to the storage room with his Sensei in tow. Had Johnny told him about you? About the break up? You'd only ever waved at the kid, the only things he'd know about you would come from Johnny. Shit, this really was a stupid idea, you were going to make things difficult, weren't you? This was supposed to be his place, his dojo, and here you were, trying to be somewhere you didn't belong, just like always. 

You got up off the chair, wrestling with the idea of bolting out through the door and never coming back. Surely that would be worse? You needed to wait for Johnny, come up with some excuse to leave. He already knew you weren't working today, what other possible reason was there for you to suddenly take off? No matter what you told him, he'd know you were lying anyway. 

The way you looked at it, anything you did was going to end up with Johnny being hurt. The realisation was making your gut twist in nerves. You tried to distract yourself by looking at the paperwork again, you shuffled a few bits around, sorting the various forms into piles. 

“Uhh. . .hi?” You turned around to see a kid standing by the office entrance, she was dressed in a gi like Miguel's. 

“Hi,” you replied, she was probably wondering who the fuck you were. “I'm Johnny's. . .your Sensei's friend. He's with Miguel in the storage room I think.” 

She nodded in understanding but the curiosity on her expression didn't wane at all. “Do you know karate then?” 

“No. Well. . .sort of.” Your mind flashed through memories of Johnny teaching you various moves and more often than not it had ended up. . .rather differently to how it began. “He's taught me a few things.” 

She introduced herself, and you followed suit without further specification of what your relationship to Johnny was. Before you had told her you were his friend, but would he even want you to say that? What were you to him now? An acquaintance? 

“It's nice to meet you, Aisha.” You managed to smile at her.

“Miss Robinson!” Johnny's voice called out.

“It was nice to meet you too. I better go,” she replied before heading off down the corridor. From the lack of judgement in her eyes, she didn't know who you were. Obviously she hadn't been apprised of the truth like Miguel had. Sitting back down, you focused on sorting out some forms. 

Johnny came back into the office a few minutes later, and he was wearing his black gi. You had to force yourself not to stare, remembering the last time you'd seen him wearing that. His cheeks reddened, he must have realised what you were thinking about. You were making him uncomfortable. 

“I'll let you get on with your class,” you told him, standing up from the desk. “Do you want me to come back some other time to help?” You asked vaguely, giving him the option to agree without any specific time frame. 

“Tomorrow?” He responded immediately. “I mean. . .if you're not busy.” 

“Is seven okay?” 

“Yeah. . .yeah that'd be great.” He led you back through the dojo. The kids were setting up some equipment but they stopped as you passed by. Aisha eyed you carefully, almost exactly like Miguel did in the office. Guilt began to bubble to the surface. It wasn't right you being here. Johnny's students cared about him, it's why they were looking at you so cautiously. You'd hurt him before, and you'd do it again. 

You mumbled thanks as Johnny opened up the door for you. He said that he'd see you tomorrow and you didn't manage to tell him otherwise. 

\- - -

He was already there when you turned up the next day. After nervously knocking on the door, you heard him call out that it was open. Only a few of the lights were on in the dojo, the main light was coming from the office. He was standing up when you went inside, gesturing for you to take his chair. It looked far more comfortable than the fold out chair on the other side of the desk. It was obviously meant as a temporary seat for his students. 

You felt bad that he was offering you the nicer chair, but it seemed rude to deny his offer so you sat down without a word of complaint. He gave you a funny look, like he knew what was whirling around in your mind. Rather than waiting for him to say something, you asked what you could help with. 

He began to explain in further detail on what records he needed to keep, outlining what paperwork each student needed and what had to be signed where. At first you'd been anxious, concerned that you had inserted yourself back into his life when you had no right to. But the constant rhythm of Johnny's soft voice gradually eroded every ounce of anxiety you had. 

It was easy to imagine that you were still with him, even if the conversation was strictly civil and professional. Vague enquiries had been made regarding each other's well being. The topics mostly centred around the dojo and how his students were doing. Miguel was his most promising student and he'd been training him for the longest. Johnny also mentioned how Aisha came to join Cobra Kai, describing her fight with Miguel which took them both by surprise. He smiled as he recounted how she had tackled him right down onto the floor. There was a look of pride in his expression.

When the conversation naturally lulled into silence, you stared blankly at a parental consent form. This was the perfect opportunity for you to say what you'd been meaning to ask since you got here. You opened your mouth about to pose the question but wondered how you could broach the subject more naturally. Were you really just going to blurt it out? What if you asked him about-

“What did I say about the fly,” Johnny said. “What is it?” You stared at him for a few moments, trying to work out what he was talking about. You realised that your mouth had been hanging open as you tried and failed to speak. 

“Are you sure this is okay?” You asked.

“What do you mean?”

“Me being here.” 

“I asked you, didn't I?”

“Yeah, but. . .”

“But what?” 

“Am I. . .making you uncomfortable?” 

“How would you be doing that? By showing me how bad I am at doing paperwork?” He joked.

“I just. . .” you trailed off, not really knowing how to say it. “After everything that happened between us. . .” 

He looked away from you then. His hand that was resting on top of some forms clenched into a fist. He quickly pulled his hand away from the desk out of sight.

“It is what it is, right?” Your heart twinged at how casual he sounded, like you were nothing more than a mild inconvenience soon to be forgotten. 

“Yeah,” you mumbled. Your nails dug into your palm as you attempted to offset the pain in your chest. He didn't say anything else for a few minutes, giving you the chance to try and hold yourself together. You stared aimlessly at the desk, the tension between you and Johnny was stifling. The steady truce from earlier was long gone. 

“Let's call it a night,” he announced, his eyes averting your gaze. You quickly separated the finished pile of forms from what still needed to be done, but realised that you'd mixed a few up. As you tried to sort it out, he watched your hands muddle around with the paperwork. The pressure of him eyeing you made the embarrassment even worse. You stopped and took to your feet, leaving the forms in a mess. He didn't get up to leave as you moved passed him. He wanted you to go. 

He said goodbye and you couldn't say anything back. 

\- - -

It had been almost two weeks since you'd last seen Johnny. What happened at the dojo constantly played on your mind, what he said, how small you felt, the way he wouldn't even look at you. It was different to the hurt you'd experienced since breaking up with him. This was like rejection, this was him snuffing out any embers of hope you had on getting back together. Did you really believe that he was going to get sober and come running after you? 

You left him. Even if he's in recovery, he'd never forgive you, he'd never trust you again. You were just like everyone else. 

Work was somehow getting worse. You never seemed to get away from it what with all the extra shifts and overtime. At least it kept your mind off of Johnny. After finishing a particularly tiring shift, you went back to the apartment filled with relief that you had the day off tomorrow. Maybe you should buy some weed so you could relax, take your mind off things. As soon as you got back, all you did was eat some food and go straight to bed. 

You didn't remember dreaming at all, you must have passed out a few minutes after your head hit the pillow. You woke up in the late afternoon the next day, eyes widening as you'd been asleep for more than fourteen hours. Checking your phone, you were surprised to see two missed calls from Johnny which were from yesterday. You swore under your breath and immediately called him back, not wanting him to think you'd purposefully ignored him. It kept ringing and ringing until the call went to voicemail. You didn't bother to leave a message. He struggled to work out how to listen to them. 

As you wiped your eyes and managed to get out of bed, the phone rang. 

“Hello?” 

“I had to start another class because one of them is full.” 

“That's great, Johnny,” you replied when he didn't say anything else. 

“So uh. . .I know you're busy but. . .if you had some time, would you mind coming down to the dojo? This paperwork is kicking my ass.” 

“I can be there in an hour, if you're there?” 

“An hour? Okay, I'll see you then.” You could hear someone talking in the background, but couldn't quite make out what they were saying. 

“I'll see you.” 

After showering and getting ready, you grabbed something to eat on the way and drove to the dojo. You parked next to Johnny's Firebird, thinking about how you'd been saving up some money to get it resprayed for his birthday. The paint was still peeling off. You headed into the dojo, the bell ringing above the door, and you stiffened as you saw a full class of students staring back at you. 

Amongst the sea of white, you spotted Johnny's black gi. He gave you a nod and you bowed in response, wanting to be respectful of his class. When he continued his explanation about jab punches, most of the kids focused back on him. Some of them still watched as you walked around the mat. You breathed a sigh of relief as you reached the safety of the office. 

It felt wrong to take Johnny's seat without him offering it so you sat on the other chair. You weren't sure whether to start going through the paperwork that was on the desk, it might be confidential. You didn't know what to do. Your leg started to nervously shake as you realised that it had taken a bit more than an hour to get here. Focusing on Johnny's voice, you listened to him critic and correct the students' stances. 

A few minutes later, he came in while the kids were practising. From the window you could see that Miguel and Aisha were in front of the rest of them. 

“What are you doing there?” He challenged, staring at you like you were an idiot. 

“Uhh, I. . .” 

“Use that one,” he gestured to his chair before opening up one of the cabinet drawers and pulling out two large box files. When you sat down, he placed them both onto the desk in front of you. “This is the older stuff I was telling you about. You alright to go through these?”

“Yeah. Of course.” 

“Good.”

“I'm sorry I was late, I didn't know you had a class,” you apologised. You had arrived maybe five minutes later than you were supposed to, but it seemed like he was right in the middle of a class rather than the start. 

“You weren't. I told them you were coming anyway,” he replied. 

“Oh.” 

“Would you mind answering the phone and taking a message if anyone calls?” 

“Sure.” 

"Thanks." He hovered by the door for a few moments, his hand resting against the frame. You thought he might say something else but he walked back into the dojo and resumed his teaching. The loud noises the students would make each time they practised a move should have been distracting yet it didn't bother you at all. 

Over the course of the class you worked through one of the box files, managing to get most of it organised. When Johnny dismissed the kids at the end, instead of rushing out the door like you'd expected them to do, the kids hovered. They chatted to each other and to Johnny, took their time stretching and drinking some water.

You were sorting through some insurance forms when you saw something in the corner of your eye. Aisha, Miguel and another kid with a mohawk were at the water fountain by the window, staring at you. Aisha offered a wave, Miguel managed a polite smile whereas the other kid simply grimaced. Thankfully Johnny caught their attention and all three of them turned away. You wondered why their approval was becoming important to you, they were just kids after all, you didn't know them. But it was the fact that they meant something to Johnny.

You chastised yourself for the thought. He didn't need or want you to be on good terms with his students, you weren't here for that. All he wanted you for was paperwork. 


	3. Focus

That was how you found yourself falling into the routine. Each week you'd go to the dojo and work on all of the administration that needed to be done. Johnny would always call and say when he needed you to come in. Most of the time you'd be there while a class was going on, or when Miguel was training with Johnny by himself. 

Occasionally it would just be the two of you late in the evening. At least with the kids there was something to distract from his company. He was nothing but civil and polite, and that was the problem. You were beginning to hate how he spoke to you. The warmth and the intimacy your conversations used to have wasn't there anymore. It was like it had never existed. 

There would be times when he'd make a joke, but there was always something reserved about it, like he was holding back, like he couldn't be himself with you. 

It was devastating. 

Sometimes you tried to convince yourself to tell Johnny that you couldn't make it, or that you were busy. But he wouldn't ask for your help if he didn't need it. In a way going to the dojo had become your punishment. You couldn't simply walk away from all the hurt and the damage that you'd caused. You had to watch firsthand how little you meant to Johnny now. 

It was getting harder to sleep. No matter how tired you were after work your mind kept racing, endlessly imagining what could have happened if you'd stayed with him.

At least the kids started to warm up to you. They'd come into the office and give you their forms, most would smile or say hi. They seemed to be getting used to you being there. Miguel and Aisha would interact with you the most. They'd make small talk when the opportunity arose, ask how things were going, how much work you had to do. It was rather sweet of them. The kid with the mohawk, aptly named Hawk, preferred to keep his distance. 

One day during the advanced class, the students were doing some practice fights. Johnny had got the medkit out in preparation and left it on the desk. Fifteen minutes passed without incident until one of the students got kicked in the gut and threw up on the mat. The class groaned in disgust. Looking through the window, you watched Johnny kneel down by the kid and help him up. He told Hawk to go fetch a mop. It looked as if he was the one who had kicked the other kid. Hawk wasn't happy about it but he did what he was told. 

Johnny came to the office door with the kid, asking whether you could grab a spare shirt from the filing cabinet. There was some vomit on the kid's gi. He didn't wait for a reply before taking the kid to the bathroom. When you found the shirt, the smell of sick hit your nostrils and your body stiffened. 

Suddenly your chest started to hurt, your heart was beating too hard. As you forced yourself to go to the bathroom, your hands started to shake so much that you dropped the shirt onto the ground. You were unsteady on your feet as you picked it up and had to brace against the wall for a brief moment. The door to the bathroom was open, the kid was washing his mouth out in the sink. Johnny barely glanced at you as he took the shirt and thanked you for getting it. He immediately turned his attention back to his student.

Rather than returning to the office, you managed to go out through the back of the dojo. You gasped in the fresh air, not quite able to get enough of it. Your back hit the wall and you slid down onto the ground. That smell, that smell, it was there for hours, all through the night, all through the fucking night. You couldn't leave Johnny to go clean it up, you couldn't leave him, you were too scared, you were terrified. His body started to convulse, he made that strange sound as he choked on his own vomit. He couldn't breathe, he couldn't fucking breathe.

He was okay, Johnny was okay now. You'd held onto him for hours, you had felt the constant rise and fall of his chest, you had made sure he was fine. But what if you hadn't? What if you hadn't gotten out of bed? What if you had woken up in the morning and found him lying there cold-

No. No, you couldn't think about it. You couldn't. He was fine. That's all that mattered. He was fine. He was helping one of his students, he'd probably be resuming the class by now. Focusing on the cars driving past and the people walking on the other side of the street offered a much needed distraction. 

Your heart didn't seem to be beating as hard now, it was easier to breathe. A muscle car drove past, its engine loud and bassy as it stopped at the lights. Johnny would love to take a spin in that, thrash it down the highway to see what it's made of, turn up the music to full volume to see how the speakers-

“Are you okay?” You looked up and saw Miguel standing next to you on the sidewalk. He wasn't wearing any shoes. 

“Yeah,” you mumbled. He didn't look convinced, if anything he seemed more worried. “I'm not good with sick,” you lied, hoping it would be enough of an explanation. 

“Oh, that sucks. My Yaya's like that, a slight whiff and she's out of it for ages. Do you want some water or something?” 

“No, I'm alright. I'll be back in a minute.” He went back inside before you could thank him. He was a good kid, you felt bad lying to him. Did you really say you'd come back in a minute? You supposed your hands weren't shaking that much now, your lungs still hurt but it wasn't as bad as before. Getting up off the ground, you were a little unsteady so you waited for a minute or two. When you walked back into the dojo, Johnny had his back turned as he watched his students practice. The mat had been cleaned. The kid who'd thrown up was sitting on the edge of the mat and was wearing the clean shirt. 

You sat down heavily on the office chair. You hadn't thought about what happened that night for a long time, it had been buried away. You'd never really come to terms with it, you didn't think you could. 

Not having the focus to do any work, you stared blankly at the forms on the desk and shuffled them round every now and then. Even though you'd calmed down from earlier, you couldn't settle. As soon as the class finished, you left the dojo, saying goodbye to Johnny with a glancing wave. Hopefully he wouldn't notice how little work you'd got done.

Later than night, you bought some weed which managed to calm you down and it helped you get some sleep. When things got bad, you figured you could smoke some. It would take the edge off. 

Johnny called you only a few days later, explaining that there'd been some changes with the requirements he had to supply to the insurance company. Each student required two additional copies of their forms. You agreed and went back to the dojo later that day, unable to say no to him even though you were exhausted from work. 

You were back in the office, trying your best not to yawn when Johnny or any of the kids were around. You sorted through the forms for the next few hours, with no end in sight. The phone finally rang, offering a welcome distraction. 

“Cobra Kai Karate, how can I help?” You answered. 

“Are you that teacher?” A lady questioned, annoyance heavy in her tone.

“No, Sensei Lawrence is busy with a class at the moment. Can I help you with something?”

“Help? You've gotta be joking! You can tell Mr. Lawrence that my lawyer is going to be in touch with him after what he did to my boy!” The woman on the phone angrily described how her son had come home one day with a bloody nose after Johnny elbowed him in the face because he was texting. 

You tried not to swear under your breath, wondering how Johnny had done something so stupid. Holding your head in your hand, you kept pulling the phone away from your ear when she got particularly loud. She went on for the better part of ten minutes before she began to go through the story all over again. You half-listened as you searched through the files to find the consent form she signed. 

“He shouldn't be allowed anywhere near children let alone teaching a class full of them!” While she was catching her breath, you took the opportunity to tell her that Sensei Lawrence doesn't use corporal punishment. You then began to cite the due diligence and individual liability clause on the form and personal injury waiver which states that the student agrees to be responsible for their own well-being. 

You explained that if she was confirming that her child intentionally broke the liability clause by texting and not paying attention during class, then she has broken the agreement she signed on his behalf. She became even more agitated and continued to raise her voice. You pressed against your temple to try and relieve the growing headache to little success. She kept threatening to sue Johnny for aggravated assault and grievous bodily harm, saying that she'd make sure Cobra Kai was closed down for good.

You explicitly stated that there were no legal grounds for her to sue as she was responsible for the agreement being broken. Whether that was true or not you didn't know. You tried to calm her down by apologising for the incident several times over and insinuating that Johnny had done it by accident. 

“I understand that it is distressing to see your child hurt, but there is always that element of risk in a martial art,” you told her. “That risk also exists in the real world and Cobra Kai is about being ready for the challenges that your child may have to face. I can assure you that the welfare and safety of every student is of paramount importance to Sensei Lawrence.” 

Rather than mentioning her lawyer again, she said she would be writing a letter of complaint to the martial arts board, whoever they were. She continued to complain about Johnny's behaviour and made sure she got in the last word before hanging up. You put the phone down and huffed out a breath. The main class was over, through the window you saw only Aisha, Miguel and Hawk practising their kicks. Johnny had his arms crossed as he watched how they were doing. 

You waved at him to get his attention and signalled him into the office when he looked your way.

“You need something?” He asked when he came in.

“Can you close the door?” 

“What for?” 

“I need to speak to you.” He didn't move and simply continued to stare at you curiously. “About something private.” 

Thankfully he listened and closed the door behind him.

“Did you elbow a kid in the face because they were texting?”

“It's not like he didn't deserve it. He was disrespecting my class,” he shrugged nonchalantly. 

“I've been trying to convince that kid's mother not to sue you for bodily harm. What the fuck were thinking?” 

“I barely touched the kid.” 

“Things aren't how they used to be, Johnny.” 

“They're just a bunch of pansy ass-” 

“You can't pull this shit again,” you interrupted him angrily. “You can get sued, or they'll have you arrested for assault and they'll make sure you never go near kids again. And that includes Robby.” He stood silently. He clenched his jaw and pressed his lips together. Eventually he nodded in understanding. Johnny's eyes dropped away from you.

The frustration and the anger quickly faded as you realised how you had just spoken to him. You didn't stop to think how it wasn't your place. Rubbing your hands over your eyes, you stood up from the desk, knowing that you had to leave. 

“I didn't. . .I didn't mean to raise my voice,” you told him honestly. He wasn't going to call you again. 

“I just. . .” you trailed off. I care about you, was what you wanted to say, I care about you so much you stupid fucking bastard. “I should go.” 

He didn't move from his position by the door as you approached him. Reaching around his body, you grabbed onto the handle but he placed his hand on top of yours. 

“It's okay,” he murmured. You stared at his hand, unable to pull away from him even though you knew you should. “You're right.”

He gripped onto your hand, his fingers intertwining with yours. Neither of you moved for a long moment as you stood right next to him. He sounded so sincere. You wanted to close your eyes, savour the feeling of his touch. The urge to put your arms around him was growing more intense with every second. This had to stop, you didn't trust yourself. Wrenching your hand away, you moved back to the other side of the desk, putting as much space between you as possible. 

You didn't sit down, you didn't know whether to leave or to stay. At least with some distance from him it was easier to think clearly. He seemed to have listened to you. It was unfair that he had to be threatened with the prospect of not being able to visit his son for him to actually see reason. He found it so difficult to navigate past the depths of his rage, it always held him back. But in a way it had been the only thing that had protected him for so long. 

“I'll be more careful,” he said wearily. “I should get back.” 

He opened the door and resumed his teaching, telling Hawk to adjust his footing. You leant against the wall by the window so no one could see your hands covering your face. You were so fucking tired. 

\- - -

The tension with Johnny got worse. He seemed to be keeping his distance more than usual. You tried your best to ignore it, to put a polite smile on your face and keep focusing on the work at hand. But it was becoming exhausting. Each time you came back from the dojo, you smoked some weed, otherwise you wouldn't get any sleep. 

You weren't able to keep up with the paperwork like you used to and frequently making mistakes certainly didn't help either. Sometimes you wondered whether there was a point in you being there at all. Johnny didn't say anything about it. But the fact that he was regularly asking you to come in twice a week rather than just the once, said more than enough.

You'd been in the dojo for about fifteen minutes and had made a decent start on processing a batch of student fees. Class wouldn't start for another half hour, but Miguel was already there doing some stretches. You heard Johnny tell him he was going next door to the mini-mall. A few moments later, Miguel was in the office saying hi to you again like he hadn't said it earlier when you came in. He didn't quite seem to know what to do with his hands.

“Are you um. . .you know. . .dating anyone?” He asked, trying to sound as casual as possible. You raised your eyebrows at him. “I mean I know you and Sensei used to. . .be together.” 

“He told you that?” 

“Uhh yeah.” Your hunch was proven right, it explained those meaningful looks Miguel had given you after first meeting him. “So. . .are you?”

“No. I'm not.” Miguel nodded and pursed his lips together. There was a weird sort of brightness in his eyes.

“Sensei isn't either,” he informed you. “In case you were wondering.” Before you could reply, the bell above the front door rang and Miguel promptly left the office without another word. Through the window you saw Johnny hand him a bag of ice to put away. You turned back to the paperwork, trying to convince yourself that he wasn't purposefully keeping away from you. 

Miguel tucked the bag of ice into the freezer compartment of the refrigerator. Johnny called out to him from the dojo, asking him to grab his bag. Johnny had left it on the fold out chair on the other side of the desk, his black gi was in there. Did he want to avoid you that badly? You rankled at the thought and managed not to heave out a sigh until Miguel had left. 

Over the duration of class, little progress had been made with the student fees. You couldn't focus on the numbers, only on the bleak thought of Johnny actively avoiding you. The next time he called, you needed to tell him you couldn't make it. This wasn't working out, maybe you could go once every couple of weeks, or once a month, it wouldn't be as bad then. You didn't know how much longer-

The sound of a hushed argument interrupted the thought. Hawk was almost brimming with anger as Miguel and Aisha spoke to him. Class must have finished a little while ago, a fair number of the kids had already left. Hawk then turned his attention to you and he glared. His body was tense, his hands were twitching like he was going to ball them into fists. The other two spoke to him for a few moments until he brushed past them to grab his bag. 

Returning to your work, you briefly wondered what he was upset about, dismissing the idea of his anger being directed at you. It wasn't long until Aisha and Miguel came into the office and stood in front of the desk, neither of them bothering to take the lone seat. 

“Is Hawk okay?” You queried, glancing through the window and noticing that he seemed to have left. 

“He's fine,” Miguel replied but he didn't elaborate any further. 

"We're all having a movie night next Saturday here in the dojo, and we were wondering if you wanted to join us?" Aisha asked, a hopeful expression on her face. 

"Here?" 

"Yeah, my dad's letting us borrow his projector.”

“It's kind of you to ask but-”

“Oh and we're gonna bring pillows and blankets for the mats rather than using chairs and Sensei's going to order pizza for us,” Miguel chimed in, doing his best to convince you to accept the offer. You wondered whether this was their way to try and break the tension between you and Johnny. Had they been picking up on it? You hadn't even considered whether it might be affecting them.

“I'm sure you'll have a great time,” you replied, wanting to let them down gently. “I won't be able to make it but thanks for asking.” 

“Why? Are you busy?” Miguel questioned, he wasn't going to make this easy for you. There was a smug expression on his face when you hesitated to answer, as if he had caught you out and you supposed he had. You had to be honest with these kids. 

“It's really not my place. If your Sensei is okay with me being there, then he can ask me,” you told them, hoping that they'd understand. Thankfully they appeared to and Miguel nodded before the two of them went back into the dojo. They were trying to clear the air. Were things really that bad? Was it that noticeable? Maybe coming back once a month was too optimistic.

You finished things about half an hour later and hoped you could leave without another awkward encounter with Johnny. He was holding up some pads for Miguel to kick. You waved them goodbye as you walked past and left the dojo. Before you could open up your car, Johnny called your name. You turned around and saw him approaching you, he stopped on the sidewalk. 

“You're coming to movie night, yeah?” He asked obviously expecting a yes. You nervously played with the car keys, unsure of what to say. “The kids asked you, didn't they?” 

“Yeah, they did.” 

“So?”

“Um. . .I don't know.” 

“We're watching the Last Dragon. None of them have seen it, can you believe that?” Johnny grumbled jokingly. He'd made you watch that cheesy action movie with him before, it must have been a couple of times at least. He moved closer until he was standing only a few feet from you. “Come on, it'll be fun.” 

“The Last Dragon, huh? How many times have you made me watch that now?”

“Clearly not enough if you haven't said yes already,” he countered, you couldn't help but smile. The smirk that pulled up his lip made your heart ache pleasantly. He wasn't politely asking on behalf of the kids, he wanted you to be there. 

“Next Saturday?” 

“You can make it?” 

“Yeah. . .I think so.” 

“Great. I'm ordering pizza, you want your usual right?” For a moment, his casual question took you back but you were able to thank him. He said goodbye after that and your eyes followed him intently as he walked back into the dojo. 

\- - -

You were nervous. 

It was stupid really, you were only going to watch a movie with a bunch of kids after all. But you hadn't done anything casual with Johnny for months, not since. . .before.

The work you did in the office held a level of civility and professionalism that you could hide behind. Now there would be nothing. On the way to the dojo, you stopped off at a grocery store and bought seven big bottles of soda for the kids and a couple stacks of soda cups. If they were having pizza, you figured soda wouldn't do too much damage. It wasn't as good a contribution, but at least it was something. 

The Firebird was already there when you parked up. You hefted a few bags with all of the soda in and elbowed the front door open without dropping anything. Miguel and Aisha noticed you coming in and said hello, it looked as if they were in the process of setting up the projector and a laptop. Johnny's voice was coming from the office, but there was no one else around. Were you early? You got chatting to the two kids as you put the bags down in the corner. While you unpacked the soda and the cups, Miguel complimented the selection and joked whether he should hide a bottle or two from the others. 

Before you could ask if they needed any help setting up the movie, Johnny walked into the dojo.

“Pizza's gonna be ready by the time I get there,” he announced, stopping when he spotted you. “Hey.” 

“Hey, Johnny.” You offered something a little warmer than a polite smile as he came up to you. He was wearing jeans and a Zebra shirt with the sleeves rolled up. It had been a while since you'd seen him wear anything aside from the gi.

“You got all this?” He asked after he came up to you and took in the soda.

"Yeah, it's not much."

"Not much? This will keep them on a sugar high for a week," he joked. Johnny pulled out his car keys and went to move to the door but he hesitated. "Would you. . .mind coming with me? I could use all the help I can get."

"How much did you order?" 

"Ten. . .extra large." Your eyebrows raised at his admission. 

"You trying to feed them all week too?" 

"I don't know how much these kids can put away." You were amused by the clueless expression on his face. “Let's go.”

You followed Johnny out to the Firebird and got into the passenger seat. It wasn't until after he'd pulled out of the lot that you remembered what happened the last time you were here. You had met him at some diner. He didn't say anything for a while, and when he did, he never apologised. After a brief look of guilt, he got angry at you, angrier than you'd ever seen him. You hadn't thrown away his apartment key like he'd suggested, how could you? Instead you'd kept it, for some reason holding out hope even though it was futile. Forcing your leg to stop bouncing, you concentrated on Johnny.

He was driving fast as usual with one hand on the wheel, he had some music playing at a rather low volume. For the most part he seemed pretty relaxed, he was strangely being more friendly with you than he had been for weeks. Slowly shifting in the seat, you tried to angle yourself slightly in his direction so you could see more of him. As it was almost dark outside, you hoped he wouldn't notice.

He looked good, much better than he was the last few months you were together. Part of you felt distraught, knowing that he was doing better without you, but those selfish thoughts needed to be ignored. His happiness was far more important. You just wished you could have given him that, you wished you could have given him the life he deserved. Maybe you'd been the one holding him back the whole time. Listening properly to the music, you recognised the song was one of Van Halen's, you couldn't quite remember what it was called but Johnny had played this one before. 

The streets weren't busy so he could stretch the Firebird's legs out. The silence between you wasn't uncomfortable, but you were already missing that easy flow of conversation from earlier.

“What, no Zebra?” You wondered out loud. He glanced at you briefly before turning his attention back to the road. 

“Huh?” 

“Your shirt,” you explained. You almost laughed when he looked down at himself, like he'd forgotten what he was wearing. Automatically you reached over to the glove compartment, but stopped yourself to check whether he minded.

“You don't need to ask,” he replied, something a little off in his tone. Did he catch the amusement on your face? You didn't want him to think you were mocking him. 

After rifling through the cassettes, you found one of Zebra's and got 'Tell Me What You Want' playing. Johnny turned up the volume and that was all the confirmation needed to know that he approved. Your feet started tapping in time with the music, the bass from the speakers was reverberating through your chest. You kept wanting to look over at Johnny to see whether he'd start singing, he couldn't help himself when a good song came on. 

When he used to take you on long drives down the coast, he'd sing his heart. Sometimes he'd over do it and his voice would be hoarse by the end. He used to encourage you to sing and gently prod you if you clammed up with nerves. He was carefree, he didn't give a shit about keeping in tune or staying in the right key, it was about enjoying the moment. 

You didn't realise how much you missed this, the open road, the music, just you and him. After the guitar solo, there was something about the shift in the song's rhythm and the lyrics that made your chest ache in longing. Somehow you always seemed to miss him the closer he was. Looking out the window, you tried to imagine that everything was okay, that you were still together and he had convinced you that he could splurge on some pizza tonight and when he took you home you'd have an Iron Eagle marathon long into the night.

“How are you doing?” He asked, pulling you out of the daydream. He'd turned the music down so he could hear your reply. 

“I'm alright, how about you?”

“Just alright? Work causing you trouble?” 

“It's not too bad at the moment. And you?

“Are you taking it easy like I said?”

“When I can, but how are you doing?”

“Hungry.” 

“Not for long.” 

“Those kids are Cobra Kai and they work hard so they're gonna have big appetites. Come to think of it, maybe ten wasn't enough. . .” 

“We'd struggle to eat one large pizza between us, so I'm pretty sure there'll be enough.” 

“Yeah but we had popcorn too and those stupid little candies that you like.” 

“They're not stupid.” 

“Yeah, they are, and don't even get me started on your pizza toppings.” 

“My taste buds are just more developed than yours.”

“Developed huh? Isn't that what kids these days say to mean stupid?” You couldn't help but laugh heartily as Johnny pulled up to the pizza place. After he turned off the ignition, he gave you a strange look before getting out of the car. Though he didn't ask for you to go with him, you went anyway, figuring he'd need help carrying everything. He was walking a few steps ahead and you weren't sure if it would be weird to hurry up and match his pace. 

There wasn't much of a queue in the pizza joint so it didn't take long before Johnny was taking out his wallet and paying for the order. You knew ten pizzas would cost a lot, but to see him hand it all over made it hit home uncomfortably. There was a crumpled up twenty in your pocket, it would barely make a dent but it was better than nothing. He wouldn't accept it so you'd have to find a way of sneaking it to him, maybe you could shove it in the glove compartment when he wasn't looking. 

Rather than putting the pizzas in the trunk, you offered to hold them as you got into the car. Johnny didn't protest and balanced the rest on top of what you had. Though the boxes were hot, they smelled damn good. He turned up the music and he drove to the dojo without striking up another conversation. You couldn't help but feel disappointed by that. 

After parking up in front of the dojo, Johnny took half the pizzas from you and headed inside. You quickly grabbed the twenty dollars from your pocket and tossed it into the glove compartment before following him. He held open the door for you and your quiet thanks was drowned out by the sound of cheering. 

All of the kids had turned up and the mats were covered in blankets and pillows. The soda had already been divvied out, the cups were everywhere. You wondered whether to get the mop out ready for the inevitable spill. Miguel and Aisha had set up the projector and the movie was paused on the opening credits. There were a couple of speakers on the floor too which you hadn't noticed before. Johnny coordinated handing the pizza out to everyone and made sure each of them got a slice of their choice. 

With most of the kids settling down on the mats, you moved towards the empty space behind them. Hawk bumped into your shoulder, giving you a sarcastic woops before sitting down close to the front. You tried not to think much of it. He was being protective of his Sensei after all. 

Sitting down behind the kids, you leant up against the wall. Johnny gave Aisha the go ahead to start the movie and turned off the main lights. The kids were still chatting amongst themselves whilst the credits played. 

Johnny came over with a box of pizza, a blanket and two pillows. He didn't hesitate to settle down right next to you and hand over one of the pillows. Weren't they from his bed? While you eyed him questioningly, he went in for a slice and then encouraged you to do the same. As the movie got going, both of you made good progress on the pizza before you had to call it quits. You couldn't remember the last time you'd eaten this much. 

When Johnny had finished, he put the box to one side and unfolded the blanket. He covered up his legs before doing the same to yours. For a moment, your body stilled, but you soon realised from the neutral expression on his face that you were assuming an intimacy that wasn't there. He was just being courteous, there was nothing more to do it. After taking off your shoes, you laid down on the floor to get more comfortable. You breathed in the smell from the pillow and barely stopped yourself from groaning. That was all Johnny, that was his smell. Fuck, you'd missed it, and the blanket smelled of him too. 

Pulling up the blanket to reach your face, you watched Johnny as he enjoyed the movie. He'd have to turn his head and look down to get a proper look at you. A particular loud scene had you focusing on the movie for a while. You tried to appreciate the fight scenes, but it was a struggle to keep your eyes open. You were just too comfortable, and you were in that haze after eating too much food. 

You closed your eyes and figured you could rest for a little while. When another particularly good scene came up, the kids would wake you up soon enough with their hollering and cheering and their oohs and ahhs. You snuggled against the blanket, more relaxed than you had been for a long time. 

Johnny was close enough that you could feel the heat coming from him. He was warm. He always had been so warm. He'd never let you get cold. Even when you couldn't afford the heating bills.

On those rare cold winter nights, he made sure you were wrapped tight against him. . .tucked under the blanket and the bed sheets.

He always kept you warm. . .kept you safe-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> zzz. . .
> 
> Hope you enjoyed this chapter! Another will be coming soon, I'm going to keep writing this story for Nanowrimo until it's finished. How did you like this one? Are you enjoying the angst? Heh heh. You guys have been so awesome supporting this story, I really appreciate your comments and your kudos.


	4. Help

Something warm was rubbing the back of your hand. It felt nice, really nice.

It was going back and forth across your skin, sometimes in circles, sometimes in lines. It was. . .comforting. . .

-

“Hey. Hey.” A hand on your shoulder was gently shaking you. You grumbled unhappily at the noise and the movement, not wanting to be woken up. 

“Hey, wake up,” Johnny told you. Was it time for work already? It was like you'd only been asleep for ten minutes. You really didn't want to go, couldn't you call in sick just this once? 

“Five more minutes,” you croaked, tightening your grip on the blanket. 

“Yeah, you said that fifteen minutes ago. I've already given you half an hour.” 

“Can't you tell them I'm sick?” 

“What?” You squinted at the bright lights, about to plead Johnny to make up some excuse to your boss, but you suddenly recognised you were in the dojo. It was empty aside from Miguel and Aisha who were grabbing their bags and blankets. Shit, movie night. The mats were sparse, there weren't any blankets, soda cups or pizza boxes anywhere to be seen. Surely they hadn't cleaned up already?

“Where's everyone?” You asked while you sat up and rubbed your eyes. 

“Gone home. Movie finished a while ago.” Johnny was crouched next to you, his hand was still on your shoulder. He immediately pulled away when you glanced at his arm. “Come on, I'll take you to your place.” 

“Aren't you driving Miguel back?”

“Aisha's giving him a ride.”

“I'll be fine in a minute.” You took to your feet unsteadily and starting folding up the blanket. 

“You can't drive like this.” 

“I just need to wake up that's all.” 

“I said I'll-”

“Sensei! We're gonna head off now, so thanks for the pizza and the movie was awesome,” Miguel interjected. He was standing by the door and was looking at Johnny before he turned to you. “And thanks for the soda too. I'll see you on Monday, Sensei.” 

“Have a good weekend,” you waved at him. 

“Night, Diaz,” Johnny replied. The dojo was silent after Miguel left. You were awake enough to feel the tension rolling off of Johnny. He was standing right next to you, his jaw was tight, his arms were stiff at his sides. You had to refold the blanket after messing it up the first time. He stared as you held the blanket out to him but he didn't take it. 

“Just let me drive you, okay? I'll come pick you up in the morning so you can get your car,” he explained calmly. Before you could voice a rebuttal, he spoke again. “And no, it's not too much trouble.” 

He wasn't giving you any room to manoeuvre. You didn't know why he was so insistent on driving you back. In a few minutes, you'd be fine. The apartment was out of the way, and Johnny would have to come get you in the morning. After the casual conversation on the way to the pizza place, you didn't want to push your luck and end up with things being awkward or turning into an argument. But you supposed it was too late for that now. 

“Thanks, it's kind of you to offer but really I'm fine.” 

“No, you're not.”

“Johnny-”

“You're exhausted. Do you know how loud those kids got? You didn't move at all, you just. . .passed out.” You were taken back by the look on his face. He seemed. . .worried. You lowered your head, unable to say anything back to him. You didn't remember, you didn't remember anything after you'd closed your eyes to get some rest. That was during the first part of the movie. Johnny said that you'd already asked him for five more minutes before and you didn't remember that at all. 

“I'm sorry,” you murmured, understanding his insistence. “If you wouldn't mind. . .”

“Can you take that out to the car?” He gestured to the blanket still in your arms. 

“Sure.” Johnny grabbed the pillow before you could reach down to pick it up. You walked out of the dojo into the cool night air. While he was turning off the lights and locking up, you buried your face into the blanket and took in a deep lungful. The smell of him threatened to bring back memories of the two of you together, but the worst of it was how it made you feel. Calm, safe, content. You had to pull it away from your face. 

After he came over, he took the blanket from you and threw it in the trunk along with the pillow. You got into the car with Johnny wanting nothing more than to curl over and sleep. He asked for your address before he turned on the ignition. When you replied he said he knew where it was, he used to live near there for a couple years with his mom. He'd always found it difficult to talk about her, but he had reached the point where he could occasionally mention her to you in passing. 

The streets were much quieter than earlier. You watched the apartment blocks and the stores pass by. It was a struggle to keep your eyes. You couldn't stop yourself from letting out a quiet sigh. 

“You're not sleeping, are you?” He glanced over at you for a brief moment. Your gut twinged with anxiety. Not having the courage to look in his direction, you kept watching the road ahead. Trying to give him an excuse wasn't going to work. 

“It's been a little. . .difficult lately.” 

“A little? When was the last time you slept? Properly.” You tried to think back to the last time you'd had a good night sleep but you came up blank. “You don't even know, do you?”

“I've been working a lot, that's all,” you replied dismissively. 

“I thought I told you to take it easy.”

“It's not like I have a choice, Johnny.”

“Look, if it's about the money I can help.”

“I'm not taking your money.” 

“Not all of it's mine. I still have some of Sid's money left over. Think of it as a loan if you want.” 

“Loan or not,” you clarified. 

“Why can't you just accept my help?”

“Are you really saying that? To me?” You asked incredulously. You couldn't help the anger that seeped through your words. The reason why you'd broken up with him in the first place was because he wouldn't accept your help and now he's trying to preach the same at you?

“You don't need to make the same mistakes I did,” he responded quietly. His admission took you by surprise. You'd expected him to get angry, to lash out at you, to meet you punch for punch. Instead he'd done the complete opposite. “The offer's there, if you need it.” 

You couldn't say anything. The righteous anger left you as quickly as it came. You should have said something, you should have thanked him at the very least but the words were stuck in your throat.

The rest of the drive was silent. No longer did you feel the urge to sleep, you were wide awake, anxious and guilty thoughts spiralling in your mind. He'd offered his help and your first reaction was to become defensive and reject it. When he pulled up outside your apartment block, you didn't know what to do, whether to invite him inside or to simply say goodbye.

“Get some sleep,” Johnny said as he turned to face you, his wrist resting on the steering wheel. “Call me tomorrow and I'll come pick you up.” 

“Thanks,” you managed to reply. Getting out of the Firebird, you waved at him before walking towards the entrance of the apartment block. He didn't leave until you were inside the door. 

Oddly you got a solid eight hours of sleep that night. You called Johnny in the morning and he said he'd be about forty minutes, giving you time to shower and get changed. 

The journey back to the dojo was thankfully uneventful. He asked a couple of questions, how you were, whether you slept. After a brief conversation, he turned the speakers up and you were able to enjoy the music with him. You weren't quite ready to start singing just yet, and neither was Johnny, but he was humming away instead. He parked up next your car which was still in one piece. You thanked him for the ride.

“I'm glad you came last night,” he replied in earnest, not looking in your direction. When his eyes finally met yours, your heart started beating a bit faster. “Maybe next time you can make it through the first act.” 

You huffed out a soft laugh and nodded in agreement. You got out of his car and went to your own, taking out your keys on the way. There was going to be a next time? What movie was he going to choose next? Things seemed to have settled out between you and Johnny, even after the series of disagreements you had with him last night. It could have ended much worse. You were grateful that it didn't. 

Johnny honked as he pulled out of the lot with his music blasting. You couldn't help but shake your head and smile as he drove off.

Maybe things weren't so bad. 

\- - -

Going to the dojo was no longer the dreaded affair that it used to be. Instead, it became something to look forward to. Johnny was getting along better with you, he didn't seem to be avoiding you like he was before. The tension had fizzled out and was replaced by something. . .friendly. 

You were able to sleep a bit more even though you were still working a lot. It was surprising how much of a difference it made. You really seemed to be getting a handle on things. When you were sorting through the paperwork and the student fees, you weren't making so many mistakes. It saved lots of time because you didn't have to triple check everything. 

A class was due to start in about fifteen minutes and already a fair number of kids were in the dojo. Miguel had chatted to you for a little bit when you arrived and Hawk had glared at you from afar as per usual. You wondered pointlessly how to repair things. Any attempts to try and talk to him would certainly be rebuffed, most likely with an insult. He'd already purposefully bumped into you, his dislike for you was made perfectly clear. 

There didn't seem to be anything you could do. It wasn't like you could explain the intricacies of your relationship with Johnny. Even if you did he'd take his Sensei's side. You resigned yourself to giving him as much space as possible, hoping his disdain might naturally peter out with time. 

Johnny came into the office while you were sorting through some consent forms from three new students. 

“What's this?” He challenged, holding up a crumpled twenty dollar bill. 

“Uhh. . .”

“What? Didn't think I'd notice?” He sounded only vaguely annoyed and he seemed rather amused by your guilty expression. “How about you earn it back and let me borrow you for this class?” 

“Borrow meaning. . .you're gonna throw me onto the floor?” 

“Only a couple of times. Five at the most. Well, definitely not above double digits,” he replied with a glint in his eyes, you couldn't help but roll your own. “I'm gonna show the kids a few self defence moves. It's better if I can demonstrate them with another adult.” 

“Right, of course,” you mumbled sarcastically.

"Come on, it's not going to hurt." You stared at him for a few moments with your eyebrows raised. "It'll hurt a little bit, but you'll be fine. It's nothing you haven't done before."

“Alright,” you agreed, knowing that he wouldn't purposefully cause you injury. 

It wasn't until half way through the class that he waved you to come into the dojo. The kids were all sitting around the edge of the mat and were waiting attentively. You were uneasy as you took off your shoes and socks. Focusing your attention on Johnny, you bowed before walking up to him. The nerves started to ease. 

“Sometimes when fighting an opponent, you will be faced with two difficult choices,” he explained as he circled around you on the mat. “Okay, pay attention.” 

Johnny stood right in front of you with his back turned and his knees bent. He widened his stance before taking a hold of your arm to wrap around his throat. Grabbing onto your other arm, he tucked it against his side and latched his fingers around your wrist. 

“Your opponent has your neck, you have their elbow,” he described to the kids, pressing his chin into your elbow. His movement forced you to have a tighter grip around his throat. Automatically you tried to shift forwards to give him some room but he hunkered his chin down even further. 

“If you try to break out. . .” He let go of your wrist and tapped your arm which was around his neck. Inferring what he wanted you to do, you secured your free arm around the back of his neck, applying pressure from both sides. “Your opponent is going to dig in and put you to sleep.” 

His voice was strained, you could hear that his airway was slightly restricted. Your attempt to twist your elbow away from him failed. What was he doing? Was he trying to make it more realistic for the kids? It didn't feel right, especially after everything that happened with Kreese. It was almost as if he wanted you to hurt him. 

“If you go for the opponent's ribs,” he explained, breaking out of your hold and placing his elbow on your side. You lifted up your knee in response. “You completely expose your chest.” 

Johnny returned to the original position, with his hand on your wrist and you had an arm around his neck. 

“Two difficult choices. What do you do?” He asked the students. They looked on curiously, unable to come up with an answer. But you knew what he was going to do. You tried to brace yourself. 

He kicked the back of your leg, taking both of you down onto the mat. You managed not to fall on top of him and you were able to keep your arms up to reduce the impact. He helped you up off the mat and explained to his students to damn the consequences and power forward. After adjusting his gi, he told them to make a choice, to make a move and go all in. 

He went through more self defence positions with you, ensuring that the kids could see exactly what he was doing to counterattack. Johnny was detailed in his explanations and as a result his students only asked the occasional question. Though you ended up on the mat a couple more times, it wasn't too bad. Johnny was careful not to make you go down awkwardly. 

Thankfully he didn't get you to put him in another chokehold. If you were honest with yourself, it had worried you. You were probably looking into it too much. When he had finished his demonstration, he paired off the kids to do some practice amongst themselves. You bowed before you left the mat and grabbed your shoes and socks. Sitting back down in the office, you were aching a little bit all over but nothing hurt in particular. After Johnny dismissed the class, Miguel came in to chat. 

“Sensei didn't hurt you too bad, did he?” he asked, looking over you as if he was trying to spot any obvious injury. 

“Nah, I've had worse.” 

“Really?” 

“I'm guessing he's already made sure that you can take a punch to the face right?” 

“Yeah. . .” he replied, not quite getting your meaning. He raised his eyebrows when he finally realised. “Sensei punched you in the face?” 

“Oh yeah. It didn't bleed too bad though.” Miguel smiled at that. “He's a good teacher. I'm glad he has you guys as his students.” 

“I think you mean the other way around?” 

“You're a sweet kid.”

“My Yaya would agree, but my mom. . .? I'm not so sure.” Before you could reply, Johnny called out for Miguel and he left with a rushed goodbye. About ten seconds later, Johnny came into the office. 

“Feeling delicate?” he teased, perching on the other side of the desk. Your reply was to shake your head at him. “It was a good class. I think the kids learnt a lot today.” 

“I'm glad I could help.” 

“And you didn't even hit double digits.” He told you, slapping down the twenty dollar bill in front of you. When you went to take it, he snatched it away jokingly. “Did you really earn this? I mean I deserve a couple more body slams at the very least.”

Standing up from the chair, you reached forwards and managed to grab onto the bill. 

“Maybe next time,” you told him. He got off the desk, winking at you as he left the office. 

\- - -

You dreamt about him that night. It was visceral, you hadn't dreamt of something so vivid for a very long time. The memory of his hands on you was too fresh, it had sunk down into your subconscious. You woke up longing, aching, wanting nothing more than his arms to wrap around your body. When you remembered what happened the day before you could still feel him on your skin. 

It was like something had broken inside of you. 

Being busy at work kept you from thinking about it too much. Almost a week passed before the memory had faded enough where you could think about it without a reaction. The next time you were in the dojo, Johnny borrowed you again for another demonstration. You had come prepared with more comfortable clothes and shoes that didn't take so long to take off. 

The session was about weapons and how the kids would defend themselves against someone who was armed. He gave you a piece of plastic to use as a fake knife.

When you were on the mats, he stood before you in a fighting position, explaining the situation to the kids. He raised his eyebrows to signal for you to attack. You quickly struck out your arm which he easily blocked. He knocked the pretend knife out of your grasp and took control of your wrist. With his other arm, he grabbed onto the back of your shoulder and forced you to bend over. He turned you around slowly so each of the kids could see his grip. 

You went over numerous scenarios with him, You would attack him from different angles, sometimes keeping the knife concealed until the fight was underway. It was easy to anticipate what he needed you to do, it made the demonstration flow unhindered. Johnny explained one final situation to the kids where they should consider disarming their opponent from a distance. 

He signalled for you to advance but you came in too fast, and he ended up kicking your wrist. The fake knife flew out of your hand and you held in a soft grunt from the impact. Johnny must have seen it on your face because he checked on you when he finished the class. 

Coming round to your side of the desk, he leant up against it and took your hand in his lap. His fingers began to rub against your wrist.

“Where does it hurt?” You answered by wincing when he pressed his thumb against a certain spot. “Put some ice on it later if it's still bothering you. Otherwise I would recommend that you don't operate any heavy machinery.”

“Oh, is that your professional advice, Dr. Lawrence?” You replied in jest. 

“Is that attitude my patient's giving me? Because you won't get a sticker if you're not careful.” He slid off the desk and opened up one of the filing cabinets. 

“You actually have stickers?” You exclaimed in disbelief as he pulled out a sticker with the Cobra Kai logo on it.

“Some of the kids ordered a bunch from the internet,” he replied, letting you take it. The sticker was almost the size of your hand, you wondered where you going to put it. After thanking him for the present, he headed back into the dojo to get some equipment out. 

Over the next thirty minutes or so, all of the kids left except for Miguel. Johnny was training him by himself and was holding out some pads for him to kick. With another batch of paperwork complete, you decided it was a good place to call it for the day. You waved to the two of them as you left and walked out of the front door. 

As you pulled out your keys, you were surprised to see Hawk leaning against the door of your car, blocking you from getting inside. His arms were crossed, he looked impatient like he'd been waiting for you since class had ended. 

“Everything okay, Hawk?” You asked as you approached him. He shifted off your car, uncrossing his arms and balling his hands into fists.

“Why do you keep coming around here,” Hawk said bitterly with a sneer on his face. “You should stay away from Sensei.” 

“He asked me to be here,” you responded calmly, holding your ground when Hawk moved into your personal space. 

“Sensei only asks you to come here because he feels sorry for you. You already dumped him, haven't you hurt him enough?” You looked away from him for a moment, taking in his hurtful words and wondering how much truth there was to them.

“Look. . .I understand that you care about your Sensei, but that's his choice to make. It's not your business.” 

“Of course it's my business, he's my Sensei! You're interfering with our lessons. He gets all weird and distracted whenever you're around,” he told you angrily, moving even closer to get right up in your face. “So. Stay. Away from him.” 

You had to take a step back from him to try and deescalate things. “Does he know that you're talking to me about this?” Hawk pursed his lips, it was clear that he hadn't talked to Johnny at all. “I'm sorry that you-” 

You reeled backwards in surprise when he punched you in the face. Your lips began to throb, blood filled your mouth and it was already dripping down to your chin. It was a solid hook, Johnny had taught him well. Hawk's eyes were wide open like he didn't mean to hit you. After wiping your chin, you turned to the side and spat out the blood onto the ground. 

“I'm sorry that you feel this way,” you told him, finishing off what you attempted to say before. It hurt to move your lips. You weren't angry at Hawk, he was a kid trying his best to protect someone he cared about. Giving him a wide berth, you managed to get in your car. You turned on the ignition and pulled out of the lot without checking in the mirror to see how bad your face looked. 

Was Hawk right? Was it pity? You couldn't stop thinking about what he said as you drove back to the apartment. Was Johnny only asking you to come to the dojo because he felt sorry for you? There was truth in it somewhere, you could feel it, but you couldn't exactly see where. Johnny might have asked for your help but you were the one who had taken that photo of the Cobra Kai flyer. You were the one who, the very next day, went straight to the dojo to satisfy your curiosity. 

If you had minded your business, Johnny would never have sought you out. He would never have called. He wouldn't even know where you lived. Had he sensed your desperation to be close to him? It was only after parking up outside the apartment that you inspected the damage. You winced as you gently touched your top and bottom lip. It wasn't pretty, it was going to take a while to heal. 

Running your teeth over one of the scabs, you felt a sense of relief when it started bleeding.

\- - -

Smoking some weed was more awkward than you thought it was going to be. Though it hurt your lips, you didn't care, you needed something to calm you down. After work for the next few days, you got a good buzz going every night. It was better than letting the thoughts of Johnny run rampant in your mind.

When he called, you briefly considered giving him some excuse to get out of going. You wanted to refuse and have him try to convince you to come, hear the need in his voice. Hawk had probably said the first mean thing that came to his mind. Even if he was right, Johnny wouldn't ask you to be there solely out of pity, he needed you to help him and that was a good enough reason for you. 

Parking up at the dojo, you quickly went over the excuse about what happened to your face in case anyone asked. It was nothing more than a silly accident where you bit your lip by mistake. As you headed inside, there were quite a few kids already there, Hawk was amongst them. Instead of his customary grimace, guilt was on his face for a brief moment before he turned away. 

Thankfully none of the kids asked what happened to your face and you were able to make it to the office unchallenged. As you sorted through some consent waivers that needed to be copied, Johnny came out of the storage room hauling some punching bags with Miguel and a couple others. 

You went over to the printer by the door with the waivers and started making two copies of each one. Johnny manoeuvred a punching bag to the edge of the mat while nodding to the kids that were coming into the dojo. As soon as he turned to face your direction, he spotted you and his expression fell. 

He immediately walked over and you pressed your lips together in a weak smile. 

“What happened?” He demanded, his hand reaching up to rest on your chin. He tilted back your head and inspected the damage. You swallowed nervously, taken back by the seriousness of his reaction.

“Oh I'm fine. . .it's stupid really,” you replied nonchalantly and shrugged. When you tried to lean back from his touch, he simply moved forwards. 

“What happened?” He repeated, his fingers pulling down the skin by your mouth so he could get a better look at your lip. 

“I bit down on my lip that's all.” He suddenly stopped moving, his eyes met yours. Your gut twisted in nerves from the way he was looking at you. 

“You're lying,” he said coldly, your heart aching at his words. His hand slipped down to the scruff of your neck and his grip on your shirt began to tighten. Anger and hurt filled his eyes. “Who did this to you?” 

“It's really nothing.” 

“Who. Did. This?” He growled, baring his teeth. Both of his hands were gripping onto your shirt, forcing you to move right up close to him. You could feel his hot breath on your face. He wasn't just angry, he was enraged. You'd never seen him like this, not even when he'd gotten into fights in the past. 

“It was an accident,” you explained, gently placing your hand on one of his wrists. His body twitched like he was going to react badly to the touch. It didn't look as if he believed you at all. Rubbing your thumb against the back of his hand, you took in a deep breathe and exhaled slowly. You hoped that the movement might calm him down a little. 

“It was just an accident,” you reiterated firmly. You weren't lying, as far as you were concerned that's all it was. “I swear to you.” Would he even believe your promise? Or was he too far gone? There was no change in his expression so you couldn't tell. Again you breathed in and out deliberately so that his hands would feel the motion of your chest. 

“Is everything okay, Sensei?” You heard Miguel ask apprehensively. Turning to look at him, you saw all of the kids staring at you and Johnny. Worry was apparent on all of their expressions, even Hawk's. 

“Yeah, we're okay.” You smiled reassuringly at Miguel and the rest of the kids. “Isn't that right, Sensei?” 

Hopefully calling him that rather than his name would remind him where he was and what he was doing in front of his students. When you looked back at Johnny, he seemed to snap out of the haze of anger. He shifted his focus onto the kids and immediately let go of your shirt. You placed a heavy hand on Johnny's shoulder and slapped it twice in an effort to convey that both of you were perfectly fine. 

He pulled away from you and went to the storage room, with a deeply concerned Miguel in tow. It took a few moments for the tension in the dojo to dissipate and the kids soon returned to getting ready for class. Straightening out your shirt, you sat down in the chair and let out an unsteady breath. 

Fuck, what just happened?


	5. Answer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there, apologies for the delay. I really love your reactions to this story, your comments keep me energised and focused so thankyou. Please enjoy x

You couldn't go, not yet. The kids had to see that everything was normal. And frankly you couldn't leave them alone with Johnny. It wasn't like he was going to hurt them, but in his state he might say or do something that he's going to regret. 

Why had he reacted like that? Was something else going on with him? You didn't know, it wasn't something that you would know because you weren't part of his life anymore. 

Johnny came back about ten minutes later and pointedly didn't look anywhere near the office as he began the class. Though the kids weren't relaxed at first, it didn't take long for them to concentrate and get into the movements. The rest of the class went on without incident, and Johnny appeared only slightly more agitated than normal. 

Something must have happened to him, it was the only feasible explanation. Why else would he grab you like that? Was there even a point trying to ask him what was going on? It had taken him long enough to open up when you were together. If you attempted it now he'd probably dismiss you with contempt. 

The kids left notably quicker than they usually did, they didn't hang around for long. You couldn't blame them. Johnny was out in the back somewhere. When Miguel started to grab his bag, that was when you got concerned, he always stayed late. Was Johnny blowing off his training?

Before you could go up to Miguel to see what was going on, he came into the office looking more troubled than you'd ever seen him. 

“Are you leaving already?” You asked. 

“Sensei can't train me today. He's uh. . .” 

“He's what?” 

“Not in a good way?” Miguel responded, unsure of exactly how to put it. 

“I'll go talk to him, I'll see if he can stay and teach you.” 

“It's fine, a bunch of us are going to go hang out anyways.” 

“Alright, well have fun.”

Both of you left the office and as you were about to go towards the storage room, Miguel stopped you. 

“Sensei's uh. . .really not in a good way.” You nodded slowly in understanding. The door to the room was shut, so you knocked first and called out Johnny's name before going in. Most of the room was filled with shelves of old boxes that must have belonged to whoever owned the building. The remaining space housed all of Johnny's equipment. He was sitting on top of a punching bag faced away from you. 

“Johnny?” You stepped closer to him, trying your best to hold the nerves at bay. His head turned in your direction, but he didn't quite look at you. 

“Miguel's worried about you. I'm pretty sure all of the kids are.” You wanted to say that you were too but the last time you'd told him that, he had said you didn't need to do that anymore. Crouching down in front of him, you still couldn't make out the expression on his face. His elbows were braced on his thighs, his hands were playing with the black headband that he always wore when he was teaching. 

You wanted to reach out and hold him, wrap your arms around his body and comfort him in every way possible. He liked it when you ran your fingers through his hair, he'd hum in approval, bury his face into your skin and clutch onto you even tighter. It felt wrong not to embrace him. Physicality was what Johnny understood best. 

“I'm here if you want to-” 

“When did it happen?” He cut you off, he gazed at your mouth before meeting your eyes.

“A few days ago.” 

“Where?” 

“I told you it was an accident.” 

“And I'm asking where it happened.” The rage bled into his expression, it was no longer unreadable like before. His fingers were clenched around the headband, he was pulling it taut. “Was it near here? By your apartment? Or at work?”

You didn't answer for a moment as you let out a sigh. Why wasn't he letting this go?

“It doesn't matter.” 

“It matters to me.” 

“Why?”

“Because you're hurt.” 

“I don't understand. It's just a split lip, Johnny. You've given me much worse than this.” 

“That was. . .it was never like that.” 

“I know. It was an accident, like this was,” you replied, gesturing to your lip. You hoped that he could truly put this into perspective. It probably didn't matter how much sense you made, all that mattered to him was that someone needed to be taken down. He didn't say anything in response. Taking to your feet, you stepped back and inhaled deeply. 

He got off the punching bag and stood in front you, immediately closing the space that you had created. 

“Why did you lie to me?” He asked, the anger in his tone was now mixed with hurt. “You didn't get hurt from biting your lip, so why did you say you did?”

“I shouldn't have said that. I'm sorry.” From the way he was looking at you he must not have been expecting you to own up to the lie and apologise. It was like he had lost some of the wind in his sails. “I just. . .you looked so angry I. . .” 

“What? Did you actually think I was going to hurt you?” 

“No, not intentionally.” 

“Just unintentionally?” 

“I mean you grabbed me right in front of those kids, Johnny. Do you think they knew you didn't really mean it?” 

“Why can't you just tell me what happened to you?”

“Why were you so angry?” For a long moment, neither of you said anything, neither of you moved. You were at an impasse. He wasn't going to answer your question and you weren't going to answer his. Telling him about Hawk was pointless. Even if Johnny didn't mean to, he might treat Hawk differently to the other students. Johnny wasn't the kind of person to forgive easily. 

He held your gaze for a while longer before he turned away. After tucking the headband into his pocket, he lifted up the punching bag that was on the floor and leant it up against the wall. 

“You should leave,” he muttered with his back still turned. The distance between you was agonising. You felt an overwhelming sense of grief, realising with unquestionable certainty that you could never recover what you once had with him. He didn't trust you, maybe he never did. 

“Okay.” 

\- - -

You hadn't heard from him for nearly two weeks. 

It disappointed you more than you thought it would. He was completely justified, you'd blatantly lied to him, admitting it afterwards didn't make a difference. Not telling him about Hawk was the right thing to do. Why was it always coming down to this? You tried to do the right thing and everything always turned to shit. It never mattered how hard you tried. The fact that you could count the number of lies you'd ever told Johnny on one hand was inconsequential. He never believed you when it mattered, not when you told him it was an accident, not when you promised him that you would always care about him. 

When you first got together with him, he had a tendency to rebuff the romantic gestures you'd make and disregard them as friendly jokes. Regardless of the fact that he had always made his feelings known, he couldn't accept yours at face value, not at first. As time went on and as things got more serious, you'd thought he had come to believe you. Perhaps he was just better at hiding it. 

One morning you were running late for work after oversleeping. To make things worse, you had a throbbing headache that didn't take kindly to you rushing about. As you walked out to your car, you remembered that there was half a joint in the glove compartment. Maybe that would be enough to-

“Shouldn't you be at work already?” You looked up in surprise and saw Johnny standing by your car, the Firebird was parked right next to it.

“What are you doing here?” You wondered out loud as you approached him, noting that the collar of his jacket wasn't popped. There wasn't any paint peeling off his car, had he got it resprayed? 

“Thought I could give you a ride,” he replied, taking his hands out of his pockets and standing up a little straighter. “I did try and call a few times earlier, wasn't sure which apartment you're in.” He'd called you? You hadn't noticed, you'd been too busy trying to get ready. You might have been tired but you noticed how he casually avoided answering your question. 

“I'm late for work so uh. . .” you trailed off, unsure whether he came here to talk or something. 

“I'll take you. You know I drive faster than you, so come on.” While he walked to the Firebird, you quickly glanced over at your car, knowing that you'd have to leave the joint where it was. Johnny was already turning on the ignition when you got into the passenger side. You winced when the speakers came on, the loud music made your temple twinge. He immediately turned it down as if sensing your discomfort. 

After he pulled out onto the street, for a brief moment you were curious why you hadn't bothered to challenge him at all. The headache must have been the main reason why, you couldn't bring yourself to. There was also the fact that he'd driven all the way here. 

“You look like shit,” he commented.

“Thanks.”

“Your lip's healed though.” 

“Yeah,” you murmured awkwardly, unsure of what else to say. Was he going to bring up what happened? A mile or so later you scrounged up the courage to speak again.

“So you thought you'd give me a ride?” You queried as he stopped at the lights. 

“I wanted to apologise about what happened,” he replied, turning to face you. “I shouldn't have grabbed you like that.” His jaw was tight, his lips were pressed together, the guilt was evident on his expression. You nodded in reply, rather surprised that he had apologised to you. He was still looking at you when the lights turned green so you gestured towards them to remind him before people started honking. 

The Firebird accelerated forwards. You couldn't think of what to say, your mind was fuzzy even though the headache had eased a little. Johnny didn't say anything else either and focused on his driving. Every couple of minutes, you'd subtly rub your temple and will yourself to string some words together. You only spoke again when he pulled up outside your workplace. 

“Thanks for the ride,” you told him, ready to get out of the Firebird. You'd have to tell your boss that you'd had car trouble that morning, at least with your car not being there it added some legitimacy to the story. 

“Hold on a sec.” You leaned back slightly when both of his hands reached out to your face. 

“Uhh. . .?” 

“Just come here.” Sitting back to how you were, he pressed his fingers into both of your temples and began rubbing slow circles into your skin. The pressure of it immediately made you feel better and you had to fight not to close your eyes. 

“I should go,” you muttered, realising that this was intimate and you were enjoying this far too much. 

“A minute's not going to make a difference,” he skilfully dismissed your weak protest and continued his ministration. You couldn't stop staring at him. You were grateful that he wasn't looking at you directly but concentrating on what he was doing. Johnny had always been good with his hands. If you ever had an ache, he used to take his time massaging you until it was gone. When he finally finished, he lingered for a moment before shifting back into his seat. 

“I'll pick you up when you finish,” he promised. You thanked him again and got out of the car feeling much better than you had earlier. 

Throughout your shift, you kept fixating on how he had apologised to you, how he must have noticed you rubbing your temple and tried to make you feel better. There was something about being taken care of by Johnny that gave you an innate sense of calm. You kept trying to chase that feeling, repeating the memory over and over, imagining that he did even more, fantasising that he was going to hold you in his arms and take you home. 

When you finished work, he was waiting for you outside in the newly-painted Firebird like this was his every day routine. You were anxious getting in the car, wanting things to go well like they had in the morning. He engaged you in conversation, wanting to know whether you felt better, asking how your day was and what you'd been up to at work. It wasn't particularly eventful but he showed continued interest and seemed to want to catch up with how things were going. 

“The paint job looks good by the way,” you commented after you'd updated Johnny on everything work related. “I forgot to mention it earlier.”

“Been needed for a while, huh?” You had been saving for months to get the Firebird resprayed for his birthday. All that money was gone now, spent on the deposit for your apartment. It made you feel dejected that you'd never been able to do that for him. “Can you come to the dojo tomorrow? The kids miss you.”

“I'm around. How are they doing?”

“They were upset with me after what happened. Guess they don't like their Sensei being an asshole.”

“I guess not. It shows you've taught them well though, right?” 

“Pretty sure that wasn't my influence.” 

“If you didn't teach them well, you wouldn't even know they were upset. They would have hidden it from you, especially after what they saw. But they still felt comfortable enough to express themselves and that's no small thing.” 

“Yeah. . .maybe.” 

“Maybe?” You shot back with a sharp tone. 

“Alright, yeah,” he admitted, you felt a little triumphant that he had accepted what you'd told him. You were also glad of the fact that his students weren't scared of him. He'd always been better than his own Sensei. Johnny was good at heart, he just needed to open his eyes and see it for himself. 

Somehow he was already pulling up outside your apartment block, the drive back had gone by too quickly. If you asked him to come up, would that be too forward? Too personal? He turned off the ignition and looked at you with a serious expression on his face.

“I saw Robby last week.”

“You did?” 

“Yeah.”

“Is he doing okay?”

“He's doing alright, aside from the fact his mom decided to go to Mexico with her new boyfriend.”

“He's by himself?” Johnny nodded dejectedly.

“I asked if he wanted to stay round mine but he'd rather stay put.” He couldn't hide the disappointment in his voice though he tried hard to mask it. 

“It's better that he has the option.” 

“I guess. I'm convinced that she didn't leave him anything for the rent so I left him some money. I might talk to her landlord, make sure next month's covered too.”

“Sounds like a good idea.” He pressed his lips and nodded again. Whenever it came to Robby, he was always a mess of perpetual doubt and debilitating fear. He was scared that anything he might do would hurt Robby in some way. You hoped that what you'd said to him was going to be enough encouragement. 

“He asked about you too,” Johnny mentioned. “He wanted to know whether you were still keeping me in line.” You let out a soft laugh but then the smile faded from your face. Had Johnny told him that you weren't together anymore? He must have noticed your unease because he said that he was going to go and make sure everything was sorted for Robby.

“I'll see you tomorrow then, Johnny.”

“Make sure you get some sleep.”

\- - -

You were rather taken back by the warm welcome you received from the kids when you turned up at the dojo the next day. They waved and said their hellos, they seemed to be genuinely pleased to see you. Miguel and Aisha followed you into the office, making sure you were caught up on everything that had happened in your absence. Bert had apparently scored a couple points against Miguel during a practice fight last week and there was a new student who had moved to Reseda a couple weeks ago. 

It wasn't long before the kids had to leave to start their stretches. Johnny came in for a quick hello, informing you that he'd spoken to the landlord of Robby's apartment and he made sure that the rent was paid for the next two months. 

After he went off to begin the class, you were filled with a sense of calm. Things were comfortable between you and Johnny again, and to hear him really trying to get things right with Robby made you feel proud. You supposed it wasn't right having these kinds of feelings for someone you weren't with anymore. But this was Johnny. . .you wouldn't ever stop having feeling things for him.

The time away from the dojo meant you had a lot to catch up on. It wasn't as bad as you'd initially thought it would be, so you were glad of the progress that was made by the end of class. Aisha came into the office with Miguel trailing behind, who was rather poorly trying to conceal something behind his back. Hawk was standing by the door with his arms crossed.

Aisha explained that a bunch of them had ordered Cobra Kai shirts online. They'd been wearing them at school and they kept getting asked where the cool shirts were from and what the logo meant. Miguel then revealed what he'd been hiding, a black Cobra Kai shirt. 

“We figured you should have one too,” Aisha told you with a grin. The sweet gesture took you by surprise, you didn't know what to say. You hesitantly took the shirt from Miguel and held it up to check it out. It looked great, the Cobra Kai logo really popped against the black. 

“You're Cobra Kai too after all,” Miguel said. The smile on your face must have reached your eyes, you were moved by his words.

“Sensei told us this was your size but if it doesn't fit, we've got a few spares.” Aisha pointed out. They'd spoken to Johnny about this? 

“Thanks, to all of you,” you replied, looking at Aisha and Miguel before glancing over at Hawk. It wasn't clear what he felt about all this, he wasn't giving anything away. “This is uh. . .pretty cool, huh?” 

“I think Sensei called them badass.” Miguel corrected you. 

“Yeah he would.” 

“Hawk!” Johnny called out from the dojo, as if he had sensed you talking about him. “Diaz! Miss Robinson!” The other two followed Hawk in quick succession. 

While the rest of the kids left, the three of them stayed to do some additional training. With so much work still to do, you stayed put as well. By the time your concentration started to leg, Johnny had finished the extra session. Hawk was the first to leave with Aisha soon after. You heard her mention that her friend was waiting outside. It seemed like a good time to call it a day.

As you were about to stand up from the chair, Johnny came into the office eyeing the shirt that was on the desk.

“Does it fit?” 

“I haven't tried it on yet.” 

“Well come on,” he urged, grabbing the shirt and throwing it into your lap. You wheeled the chair back slightly before taking off your own top and putting on the Cobra Kai shirt. The material was soft and comfortable, it wasn't that thin, scratchy stuff that always seemed to itch. You raised your eyebrows at Johnny, waiting for his verdict. 

“Nice.” 

“Not badass?”

“That too.” He looked over the desk which you'd cleared of paperwork. “You leaving?” 

“Yeah, I got a lot done today.”

“I don't know what I'd do without your help.” The smirk wasn't on his face anymore, his lips parted open slightly. There was a severity to his expression which made you still. But the tension faded when he took a step back and went to the door. “I'll call you.” 

You followed Johnny out of the office a few moments later and walked past the mats, saying bye to him and Miguel. You were glad that Johnny wasn't skipping the kid's training. When you went through the lot, you almost paused mid-step as you saw Hawk standing by your car. You hadn't taken off the Cobra Kai shirt, Miguel had said you were one of them, that was more than enough ammunition.

Making yourself appear relaxed, you approached Hawk as casually as possible, not wanting to seem confrontational. This time his arms weren't crossed, if anything he looked a little sheepish. 

“You here to talk?” You asked, keeping a sizeable distance from him. 

“Why did you do it?” 

“I'm not sure what you-”

“Why did you lie to Sensei?” 

“About what?”

“You told him it was an accident when it wasn't.” 

“Wasn't it?” 

“I meant to punch you,” he retorted in a defensive tone. 

“It looked like you regretted it afterwards.” Hawk opened his mouth about to answer back but you cut him off. “And even if you didn't, you're still a kid. You deserve the benefit of the doubt.” The fight seemed to sink out of his shoulders, his jaw was no longer tight, he wasn't glaring at you anymore. 

“Just because you have that shirt doesn't make you Cobra Kai. You have to earn it.”

“Well maybe if I ever do, you can let me know.” He pressed his lips together, notably unhappy about your compromising reply. 

“Whatever,” he muttered under his breath before walking off. Getting into your car, you were quite bewildered by how well that seemed to have gone. 

\- - - 

It felt good getting back into the routine of going to the dojo twice a week. Things had settled out between you and Johnny, though they weren't quite what they had been. Before what happened with Hawk, there was a budding and growing friendliness between you. That was gone now. He didn't joke like he did before, he didn't tease you or wink at you as he left the office. It was going to take him time to be comfortable with you again. He held onto his anger like nothing else in this world. You didn't know how long it was going to take him. 

When he called you one evening, asking whether he could give you a ride to work the next day, you hoped that this might be the start. You told him what apartment you were in, figuring that it was long overdue that he knew exactly where you lived. 

The next morning he knocked on your door after you'd buzzed him up. He was earlier than you'd been expecting so you hadn't quite managed to settle down your nerves. You sucked in a breath before opening up the door for him. Johnny looked good. He was wearing jeans, a long-sleeved black shirt with the sleeves rolled up and a grey vest underneath. 

“Hey,” he said before you let him inside. 

“I won't be long,” you replied as you went to grab your phone and put on your shoes. As you were getting ready, you noticed how he was looking over the apartment. It wasn't exactly a place to be proud of, rather the opposite in fact. He was trying to hide how his expression soured, it probably reminded him of his mother. He used to live around here when he was kid. When you were ready, you headed out and he followed you down the stairwell. 

“Someone took a piss down there so watch out for the puddle,” Johnny warned as you neared the last flight of stairs. That must have been one of the neighbours again. Since you'd been living here, you'd been lucky enough to avoid stepping in anything. You were beginning to feel the onset of shame so it was a relief to get in the Firebird and leave the apartment far behind. 

“I was thinking about running a practice tournament for the kids,” he mentioned, turning his head in your direction briefly. 

“You think they're ready?” 

“They need some more time, but I think they're almost there,” Johnny replied. “Would you wanna help officiate?”

“Like score points and stuff?” 

“Yeah. I mean I can teach you all the rules and then you can help me organise the tournament. I want it to be as close to the real thing as possible.” 

“Are you gonna get me the little flags too?” He laughed softly, the sound of it making your chest warm. 

“Don't worry, I'll make sure you have the little flags. Is that a yes then?” 

“I guess it is, yeah.” 

Johnny gave you an overview of the rules and it wasn't long before he pulled up outside work. You hung around for a few more minutes, not wanting to leave, but eventually he told you to get going so you wouldn't be late again. 

Work was tedious and you were itching to get back into the Firebird with him all day long. You kept thinking about how much the dojo had shifted his focus into a better place. There was such a marked difference in Johnny and in the progress that he had made. You could see it in the way he held himself, how much healthier he looked, the care he put into his appearance. You could tell just by looking at his eyes. They were so much brighter now. 

Those last few months you were together, it was like he wasting away right in front of you. He was drowning in his pain and the booze and the grief and there was nothing you could do but watch. It terrified you. And the worst part of it was that he didn't even acknowledge what was happening. It was like you'd made up the whole thing just to spite him. You'd never felt so alone in your entire life, regardless of the fact that you slept in the same bed as him and lived in his apartment. 

Johnny was waiting outside when you finished work. The unreserved smile that was on his face as you approached the Firebird made your heart ache. It hadn't even been half a day and you had missed him. Getting in the passenger seat, you put the feeling down to all the reminiscing you'd been doing. It was always particularly unpleasant to think about how bad Johnny had gotten. 

Rather than turning up the music, he spoke more about his plans for the tournament. Though he had a decent idea about which students would fight each other, he wanted to mix things up and have the kids fight against people they weren't totally familiar with.

When he parked outside your apartment block, you were about to invite him up but he mentioned he had training with Miguel. He asked whether you'd be able to make it to the dojo tomorrow. Without hesitation you agreed, glad that you were seeing him sooner rather than later. 

\- - -

Over the next couple weeks, Johnny began to focus the classes on the fights which combined all of the various moves they'd been learning. Hawk didn't scowl or eye you with distaste anymore. You could have sworn blind that at some point he actually gave you a slight nod in greeting.

Johnny asked you to meet him at the dojo late one evening, long after class and Miguel's training session. It was just the two of you. He went over the rules for point scoring and agreed to your suggestion of going through some videos on your phone so he could explain it with visuals. Somehow he ended up placing the fold out chair right next to you, his shoulder leaning against yours as he constantly pointed at the screen and explained what the referees were looking for. 

At first it had been difficult to concentrate with the sensation of how warm he felt and how his voice lulled you into a state of calmness. He tested you on a few videos, telling you to score the match up yourself. After more than a couple mistakes, you were beginning to think this wasn't such a good idea, but Johnny was patient with you, he took you through it again, showing you where to keep your focus. He seemed happy with your progress and promised to go over it until you were confident. 

Later that week you were back in the office filling out some insurance forms. The medkit was standing by in front of you as the kids were doing some sparring to finish up the class. When you heard Johnny call Miguel and Aisha to fight, you turned your attention to the mats. They were Johnny's best students along side Hawk. They bowed to their Sensei before bowing to each other. 

“Fight!” Johnny called out. Miguel was the first to move and Aisha immediately blocked each of his oncoming kicks. He shifted out of the way when she tried to knock him off balance. They pulled apart, and circled each other for a few moments before Aisha advanced forward. 

Over the next minute it was a flurry of each of them attacking and blocking until Miguel managed to kick her in the jaw. Aisha stumbled backwards, holding her hands to her face. Johnny immediately called it and hurried to check on her. The concern was clear on Miguel's face as he began to apologise. 

“Alright class, you did well today. Diaz, stretch them out.” 

“Yes, Sensei.” As Johnny guided Aisha to the office by her elbow, the rest of the kids lined up on the mats so Miguel could take them through some stretches and cool down from the workout. After Aisha took a seat, Johnny knelt down in front of her, coaxing her to move her hands away. 

“Could you get some ice?” Johnny asked, his eyes flicking over to you. While you got off the chair, Johnny was finally able to take a look at Aisha's jaw. You hoped it wasn't too bad. 

When you opened up the refrigerator, your body stilled, blood rushed to your ears. You stared mindlessly at the pack of Coors beer sitting on the shelf. It was Johnny's beer. He had it right here in the dojo. They weren't hidden away, they were right out in the open. This was routine for him. He was drinking in front of the kids. 

You could barely process the thought, a wave of dread made your hand brace against the refrigerator. Johnny was still drinking? For some reason you hadn't. . .you hadn't thought about it. Why hadn't you? When was the last time you'd ever thought about him drinking? You suddenly realised that you hadn't since you'd broken up with him. It was like your mind had just. . .blanked it all out. 

The sound of Aisha grumbling in pain made you grab the ice bag from the freezer compartment. You slammed the refrigerator door shut and placed the bag in Johnny's waiting hand. 

All this time you'd thought he'd been getting better, but he'd been drinking all along, right in front of these kids. You couldn't. . .you couldn't. . .

“I'm pretty sure it's not dislocated,” Johnny told Aisha as he held the ice bag by her chin. “Can you slowly open your jaw for me? Let me know if anything feels weird.”

“It just hurts,” she replied after doing what he said. 

“Okay, that's a good sign.” 

“I'm so stupid, I should have seen it coming,” she mumbled angrily under her breath. 

“It was a good fight.”

“Not good enough,” she shot back. 

“Look I know you're angry, but trust me, you have to let it go. Making mistakes is how you become a better fighter. You're still learning, don't forget that.” Aisha remained quiet and it didn't look as if she believed Johnny. 

“Diaz has been training longer than you have and you held your own. You did good work today.” She still seemed disappointed, but Johnny was able to get a muted smile out of her when he gently punched her shoulder.

“Yeah?” 

“Come on, Miss Robinson, just because you're a girl doesn't mean I'm going to sugarcoat anything for you.”

“Thanks, Sensei.”

“Now I'm going to make sure that Diaz doesn't bend any of my students out of shape, alright?” Aisha's smile widened at that. You avoided Johnny's gaze as he left the office. She looked up at you curiously while you stood in front of her without saying a word. 

“Do you uh. . .can I. . .do anything?” You forced yourself to ask.

“I'm okay. The ice is helping.” 

“Good, that's. . .” Trailing off, you wandered back to the chair, hands gripping onto some paper. Your eyes couldn't focus on the words. 

You couldn't. . .fuck, you could barely hold yourself together. You wanted to leave the dojo, you wanted to run as fast as you could, you wanted to get away from here. Memories of Johnny's unconscious body sprawled out on the floor kept filling your mind like an endless torment. The smell of the vomit and the beer, the sound of him choking, the way his body convulsed. Johnny come on wake up, can you hear me, talk to me, please talk to me, come on Johnny just wake up, please Johnny say something, say anything, please I'm begging you, please wake up, Johnny, please, please wake up! 

You looked over the office and noticed that Aisha wasn't there. Class was over, quite a few of the kids had already gone. She was chatting to Hawk and was still holding the ice bag on her jaw. Johnny was talking to Miguel as they headed towards the storage room. 

The moment he was out of sight, you rushed to your feet and left the dojo, uncertain if you'd ever come back.


End file.
